Family drama,need advice!

[tetti]

Right,I'll try to keep this long story as short as poss.
My younger sister broke up with the father of her 2 young boys,and started dating a younger guy who all the family liked(I never met him though as I don't live in the same country as my family).He helped her out with the kids,treated her real well,then one day she rang me in tears.He'd been involved in a gang related incident,shot a guy in the leg,and was on the run.She'd no idea was involved in that kind of activities.She appealed for him to give himself up,and he's now serving a 1 year jail sentence.

We come from a very stable family background,and my brother and dad has never had any dealings with people like my sister's boyfriend.
So,when they found out what had happened,they were relieved to know he'd been jailed,and thought that would be the end of it.

However,the guy has called my sister every day,and sent her letters every day,so she's weakened,and said that he's seen the error of his ways,and that she'll be waiting for him.
My brother have now asked me to disown her (like he will) if she decides to stay with this guy.
Ok,her choice of man is wrong,she has two young boys and he's hardly no role model,but at the end of the day,she's my sister,and I can't turn my back on her and pretend that her and my 2 wonderful nephews don't exist!!No way can I do that.
Her and I were xtremely close to my mum who passed away 2 years ago,and we got closer when mum died.I did promise mum before she even got diagnosed w her cancer to always lookout for my little sister,and I will keep that promise.

Was going to take my girl back to my native country for xmas,but this has kind of overshadowed everything.If I stay w my brother(my sister lives in a different part of the country,and works all xmas),then it's almost like he'll think I have taken sides,and side w him.I dk,kind of feel like staying put for xmas and not go to my family as I know what the main subject of discussion willl be!

it's not for me to judge, but if I was your sister I would be too scared to have anything to do with this man!
You are right to stay impartial - she probably needs you.
it's up to your brother what he does but he can't force you to go along with that.
It might be awkward at first, but surely he won't disown you for talking to your sister, and if he does he is acting like a prize pr*t and will regret it.

I think disowning her (by which I presume your brother means cutting all contact) would be couterproductive. It will make your sister angry which will drive her further into this man's arms and makes it more difficult for her to leave him if she wished to at some later point.

Your sister may have made a poor decision but you don't want her to be in a situation where she realises that and wants to leave him but feels unable to because she has no one else to turn to, even you.

Also in cutting off your sister, you would be cutting off her children. It hardly seems them to punish them for their mother's misjudgement.

I wouldn't even consider cutting her out,she is my sister,I'm here for her no matter what.I just kind of feel that I can't stomach spending xmas with my brother as he'll take that as I have sided with him.I think it's crule what he's doing,he claims to care so much for her sons,if he did,he wouldn't do this to them...