I love you

[hooveirlove]

Have you ever said I love you but didn't mean It. I said it back to him but I'm not even sure I know what love is. Now I feel totally trapped and horrible every time he says the words. I care about him deeply but I just don't think I am there yet it's only been a few months but I should have been honest. I can't take it back now . Feel like the worst person today

Not 100% sure what to suggest but you sound like you feel terrible so wanted to say I have done this. I imagine a lot of people have. When you care a lot and like someone a lot and hope for the best, it's easy just to go with the flow when they say they love you, and wait for your feelings to catch up.

So in my view, you've no need to feel like the worst person. It's not as though you proactively told him that to love bomb him/ manipulate his feelings.

Given that this is making you feel guilty and it is a very new relationship, I wonder if you wouldn't feel better qualifying to him how you actually feel .So not just going 'oh by the way, I said I loved you but didn't mean it'. Rather saying something like what you actually mean is that you love so many things that you know about him so far (only if true) and care deeply, and are happy that you're getting to know each other and it's going well, and that's what 'I love you' means for you at the moment.

Someone telling me they love me a few months in I would take as a massive red flag tbh. You don't even know someone a few months in. I would not even be comfortable with it at 6 months tbh but if its came before that, run for the fucking hills.

It could be part of lovebombing where they get too close too fast and you get caught up in it. The 'I love you' could even have deliberately been to get you to feel rushed into saying it back.

Either way op, if you are feeling uncomfortable or rushed or smothered just a short time into a relationship, then it's probably not the one for you.

I did in one relationship because he said it and I thought if I said it too I might feel it (I didn’t.)

Don't worry. It's done. There's a big difference between 'I love you' and 'I'm in love with you' anyway

I did it with my first boyfriend .. I don't think I ever loved him really, though our time together was happy.

I’m not sure it makes that much difference. How do you measure it anyway?

Yes I've done that .And having said it I've moved on to explaining that I find it really hard to say.

Talk to him OP ,if he's worth it he'll understand .

I never ever say it unless I'm absolutely sure I mean it.

I did this in similar circumstances to you. I forgave myself by remembering it really is just words. It’s more important to focus on how you feel now. Do you feel able to tell him that you feel uncomfortable with him telling you he loves you, and asking him to wait a while longer before saying it again?

In my current relationship I did this before I was ready in the course of one of our only arguments (been together over a year now). He clocked something was wrong and gave me the opportunity to rewind the clock to a point I was comfortable with. If he really loves you, he’ll understand you saying “I said this before I was ready to”

You could say something like
'Aww I wuv you too. But listen, things aside it's far too early to be saying the I love you's. You've only known me 2 months. I could be a serial killer. You could be a serial killer. We could both be serial killers. So yeah, let's just put a pin in things for now. A metaphorical pin... not a literal one!'

(And if he keeps saying it after that or pushes you into saying it, or takes a huff then call it a day because he doesnt respect boundaries).

Thanks guys yeah I am little worried about how intense he is after such a short period of time. It's just he keeps on saying it now so I feel like I am lying after every phone call or goodbye I definitely feel rushed

Yeh intense is never good news op.

Make sure to read up on love bombing as well as 'narcissistic mirroring' ('we have so much in common' ect) and maybe future faking too. It's not normal behaviour, it's something that abusers do in order to reel you in.

They may also do things like oversharing, in order to get you feel sorry for them and lower your guard and perhaps, overshare back.

Reading up on other dating red flags might be helpful.

I mean, he could just be a little over excitable. But more often than not, too much too soon sorts of ppl are very bad news.

I know that's not what you're asking, but I have a personal aversion to people saying 'I love you' at the end of every phone call or goodbye. It starts to just be a habit, the same as saying 'Bye' and quickly becomes meaningless.

If after just a few months he was saying I love you after every phone call I'd be really uncomfortable (in fact I would after 20 years). But it might just be me!

No ,definitely not just you layladomino !

@hooveirlove

Thanks guys yeah I am little worried about how intense he is after such a short period of time. It's just he keeps on saying it now so I feel like I am lying after every phone call or goodbye I definitely feel rushed

The fact that you are following his lead to the extent that you now feel like the worst person is a concern here.

Why are you letting him lead everything? You have agency. You can be independent here, and say exactly how you feel. 'When I said I love you I've startled myself, and I need us to slow down.'

If he's worth his salt, he'll respect that. In fact, saying that to him will be a good filter. You only want to be with someone who can handle that. What do you think his response would be?

You can say "I love you" to anyone, many a drunk has.
It's actually the actions that speak more than the words. How they treat you, look after you in your low moments, those special things that only someone who knows intimate details about could do. Selfless acts of kindness, that's true love!