Wrong name

[Viddy2021]

How do others react to their partners accidentally calling them by their ex-wife's name? My partner of two years (divorced five years now and had a serious girlfriend for a year prior to meeting to me) has done this four times now in the space of a year. Never did it at the beginning. He feels awful, tells me he has no feelings for her and that it means nothing and doesn't know why he does it. I was married 15 years ro someone else and never make the same mistake. I HATE it, especially the time it happened at dinner in front of cousins and friends of his.

It's really hard ,I sympathise . Especially in front of other people .

Hard though it is try and ignore it .Some people are really bad with names and default easily to a habit .It's not unknown for me to call my partner and adult son by each other's names .It's weird because I absolutely have no doubt in my mind which one I'm talking to at the time ,but the wrong name just slips out .And they are totally different from each other ,as are my feelings about them .

We have both done this by accident.

DH didn’t even notice when he did it until I started laughing.

Tbh, the prt of my brain that has “husband name” in does sometimes substitute the wrong word, even when I’m thinking.

If it helps, first DH was an alcoholic and has been dead seven years. I really don’t have feelings for him or want him back. But my brain sometimes farts his name out because he was such a big part of my life for so long.

Current DH understands that, the one time it came out loud, as I understood when his did same.

I wouldn't worry.

Even mothers call their children by the wrong name sometimes - mine amongst them.

Yeah this isn't something I'd get worked up about. I call my DH my DD name. I've called the dog my DH's name. I called a phone a loaf the other day.

I suppose if it happened frequently I'd question it, but when someone has been part of your life for a while the name can stick in the sub-conscious for a while.

Not long ago I referred to the name of my old car ('I left the Golf at the garage') - I've had a mini for 4.5 years. I prefer the mini. No hankering for the Golf. Don't think about it, and if I did it wouldn't be in a good way.

I wonder if there's a bit of 'don't mention the war' syndrome with your DP? It happened once, innocently, and he was appalled at himself, which has no lodged itself in his brain and he keeps blurting it out. I think if you just laugh it off and don't get stressed he'll stop doing it over time.

I called my closest friend 'James' the other day. Her name is Catherine. I don't know anybody called James, and have never been close to a James. It's completely bananas, but I hope it makes you feel better, OP.

@layladomino

I called a phone a loaf the other day

That really made me laugh. Apparently when we stumble over words, it's rare for us to say a non-word. We most often use something that is a word, but isn't the right one. Most often with the same syllabic rhythm and very often rhyming. The brain's amazing. Something inside us going 'DO A WORD!! ANY WORD IS BETTER THAN NOTHING!!'

@TheFoundations you made me feel but better! I have noticed (it may be age, it may be when I'm busy and my brain is stressed) I say random words, but you are right they are always words. I love the idea my brain's just desperate to throw any word out there - that's just how it feels!

@layladomino

you made me feel but better

You did it again

As Graham Norton has often said in his advice column, “if that’s you’re biggest problem you should be very thankful”

I'm an only child and my mum will go through a whole list of names before she finally says mine. We just laugh because it really doesn't mean anything.

I'd have felt weird about it at the table, too, ugh! But the fact that he feels so awful about it, and says so, is nice. A lesser man would be minimising, laughing it off, or even trying to make out you were over-reacting.

It really doesn’t mean anything.

I left my ex husband 8 years ago. He was/is not a nice man and I’d fallen out of love with him well before I left. I have been with my lovely DP for 2.5 years. For reasons I cannot fathom, I have occasionally slipped and called him by my ex’s name. Some weird brain slip or thought fart I’d guess. Because I really do not have feelings for my ex.

@Aquamarine1029

My mother was the same, I found it funny, best thing is I'm starting to do the same with my children.

My ex husband called me by my sisters name during sex. Ffs.

My mum calls me the dog’s name sometimes. I wouldn’t mind but the dog has been dead these past 15 years.

I often go through several names before I get the right one, including to my DP.

@Inthesameboatatmo

My ex husband called me by my sisters name during sex. Ffs.

This is the one that would worry me.

A couple of times I've nearly called dh by my exes name. Both start with the same letter.

@sunshinecake.
I was kind of as soon as he said it , he was absolutely mortified.
But it's a slip of the tongue and can happen to anyone.

Where has the fuckin cake come from 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I have called DP by my ex-Hs name a few times. I really don’t want ex-H back but for 14 years he filled the “man” shaped gap in my life. Now OH is filling that gap it doesn’t seem that odd that my tired brain sometimes uses the wrong name - it’s not connected to who I WANT in that gap.

I sometimes call my daughters by their aunt’s name! Me and my older sister both do this to our kids, after a childhood of bossing around our baby sister I guess it just slips out sometimes and suddenly I am 6 again wagging a finger at my little sis 😂

Some habits are hard to break. However I think it’s a bit different with an ex, I’d expect my partner to be more careful and conscious of upsetting me in that situation. If it happened during sex I’d go mad and in front of other people it’s humiliating.

Yes .But . As another poster said ,it could be because it's slipped out once and now in trying hard not to do it again ,it's making the situation worse by bringing the name to the forefront of his brain .

The "don't mention the war syndrome "

One of my technicians called me by his wife's name once, but I was nagging him a bit!

Then another who was tired and poorly said, "Love you" at the end of the ringing in to say Im sick phone call because that's obviously what he said to his daughters at the end of a phone call.

Both got ribbed for months!

My Dad used to call me "daughter", because it was easier than going through a list of names.

I've also called the airport the aeroplane station when I was tired.

We're human, we make mistakes.

@TheFoundations What Is Wrong With Me??

Thanks for all your replies! Those who have done the same with partners and dont have feelings reassure me, but I dont think the children's name phenomenon is comparable. Or, I dont WANT it to be because you love your children equally, and I don't want to be on equal footing with the ex wife.
He never calls me by his friend's or colleagues names, so its not random as it is for certain posters.

Mine often calls me "mum."