My gf is driving me nuts

[UbiCaritas]

Dear women of the internet. I hope that you could help me with some advice regarding my gf.

We've been going out for a little over a year now. Due to Covid, we're long distance at the minute but we hope to close the gap soon.

At the start, things were really great. I've never been in love with someone before but I definitely fell for her. I'm a very strange person, and I grew up thinking that I'd never find anyone who could love me.

Now I have the opposite problem. I've got very good at being alone, and I don't do romance, or accept affection easily. I grew up in a dysfunctional home and affection was a weakness to be rooted out.

I make sure to tell my gf that I love her at least twice a day. I do nice things for her, little surprises, at least every week. I show affection as well as I can, and I'm pretty vocal about how I feel. I've written her letters expressing the same, but it doesn't seem to be enough.

She's really insecure in the relationship. As a result, she loves really hard on me. Every day, she sends a 500 word essay on how much she loves me. We speak, on average, for four hours a day. During that time, if I bring up a subject (when I can get a word in) she twists it into some romantic thing and it's really starting to bother me. It's as if I have no thoughts beyond the relationship in her mind.

She has no friends, and she doesn't really do anything so it's hard to find things to talk about. Added to that, we... eh.... are blessed with different intellectual abilities, and that makes things harder for conversations because if I want to discuss something it goes right over her head, and being frank, most of what she's interested in ( it's pretty much limited to fashion, knitting and cutesy things) has about as much relevance to my life as the Ayatollah.

I have tried talking to her about it, but she's extremely sensitive and it starts a whole mill of "are we breaking up?" that gets repeated at least fifteen times over the rest of the conversation.

My problem is that I don't want to break up with her as she's the sweetest girl I've ever known. I completely trust her, something I've never managed with anyone else, and I actually really do love her, but a lot of the time now, she's driving me nuts.

Can you help me figure a way to improve matters?

I'm sure you don't see it this way but this is actually an abusive relationship. She's controlling and manipulative and coercive. Relationships aren't meant to be like this and you can't cha he her.

There is no way to improve things.
Either her needs get met and you feel smothered
Or your needs get met and she feels unloved
Or you both get only a bit of what you need and you feel a bit smothered and she feels a bit unloved.

You are incompatible.

Women of the Internet, unite!

It sounds like you're only with her because you have some insecurities and as a result felt that you would never find someone, so when you did find someone who is really into you, you just went with it.

You clearly arent compatible and I question whether you love HER, or whether you love being loved. Your post reads like you're trying to find a nice way of saying she's immature, demanding, insecure and frankly, a bit thick. You have nothing to talk about, and no interests in common except for the fact that you love being in the relationship. I say 'love being in the relationship' and not 'love each other' because it sounds more like you both just want a relationship/anyone and aren't actually too fussed about each other.

Or perhaps I should say, you love the idea of being in the relationship, because it doesn't actually seem like you love the realities of the relationship any more than you love the realities of each other.

You are both just filling a void in each other's lives.

@Balonzette this is written so well!
Yess 100% this!

Let this one go. You are very poorly matched. She doesn't sound ready to be in a relationship and you seem to only want someone has the same interests as you. Break up with her kindly but clearly and move on.

Look up relationship anxiety.....it seems ur girlfriend may be suffering from this.