I want to leave, absolutely nowhere to go and jobless

[Sadsloth]

Hi,

I was wondering if I could get some advice please about leaving my partner.

I am in an absolutely miserable relationship, we are both on benefits (my benefits) as I have pretty serious anxiety and other issues. My partner treats me like dirt, he refuses to help with any housework, sleeps half of the day, regularly shouts at me, often for no reason, sometimes to the point of me being in hysterical tears for the whole day. He is nasty about everything and everyone, spends almost half of our benefits on energy drinks, tobacco etc. I have looked into getting a job but i just wouldn’t be able to as I have to look after our 3 year old and in the part time hours I would be able to do it just wouldn’t be enough to support 3 people.

We got together when I was 17 and he was 39 and I just feel now a few years on that I was mislead and I’m trapped. I have no friends I could stay with, no family and literally nowhere to go. It’s his housing association tenancy, I have no savings nothing.

I’ve thought about contacting women’s aid etc but I’m terrified social services will get involved and take my child away, it’s probably an irrational fear but it’s very real and terrifying to me.

Ive got no idea what to do or where to go I just know I’m so miserable and can’t go on like this

social services are more likely to get involved if you STAY op.....get a women aid hostel place, you won't look back!

Start planning ahead for the future. Go to your local housing office and see what your options are then have a think about what job you could do or whether you need to go back to college part time to get more recent skills. You don't have to do everything at once, just small steps towards freedom.

Social services never aim to take a child OP. Unless the child is in immediate danger and there is literally nowhere else safe for them to go.
Their first aim is to help, even though the general opinion from people is that all they do is take children away. No social worker ever wants to do that and will do everything they can to keep a child with appropriate family members.

Please seek support OP, and get out

please ring womens aid they will be able to advise you better than people on here social services wont take your child off you they are there to help , your partner is abusive financially and verbally please try to get away from him your life will be so much better and your mental health will improve too

Women’s Aid will help you leave safely if this is what you want to do. You need a refuge place. If you can go into a branch of Boots and ask for Ani their staff will direct you to one of their consultation rooms where you can access information re domestic violence support.

Social services are far more likely to be involved with you if you stay with your abuser. They are there to help you, they are not there to swoop in and take your child away. Put that fear out of your head.

Please contact Women's Aid, they are there for women like you

You were 17 and he was almost 40. This is borderline abuse. Call Women's Aid and they will help you make a plan to leave. You have your whole life ahead of you to live happily - I'm sure some of your mental health issues will be more easily treated and managed if you first rid yourself of this creep xxxx

As others have said, social services would see you making proactive plans to improve your life and leave as hugely positive - you'd be seen as a mum motivated by creating a good life for your child. There's nothing negative for them to say about your deciding to leave

Social services won't take your child.
If anything they'll support you in getting away from him.

Social Services will only remove children in the most serious of circumstances if they believe a child is at risk of serious harm. You are able to care for your child and by leaving this relationship you are showing that you prioritise both you and your child's needs.

Speak to women's aid, they will help you make a plan. If you are classed as at high risk of domestic abuse local housing authorities have a duty to house you in those circumstances even if it is just in temporary accommodation. Bag up some clothes, toiletries, important docs, birth certificates etc for you and your child and set up your own bank account.you can do this online. Starling is a bank where you can set up a standard account online in minutes using your mobile phone. Arrange for your child benefit and benefits to be paid into that. Womens aid will help you with any extra support you are entitled to.

Please ring woman's aid they will a absolutely help you leave . Your DD isn't at risk of being taken from you by SS if you care for her well enough.

The bar for removal is very very high.

Go into a refuge with your child.

SS will want to support you rather than take your child away from you.

From there, they will help you sort out housing and benefits. You can start over in a little place of your own with your child, and after that you can look into getting a job, apprenticeship or study.

You have received some excellent advice on here. It won't be easy...nobody is pretending that it will be... but make the first steps towards leaving him. Knowledge is power so find out as much information as you can, see what your alternatives are and then be brave, and go for it. Good luck.