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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What's wrong with me?

5 replies

BunnyR · 15/08/2021 10:33

So basically it's sounds really stupid. But me and my partner are expecting our first child, I feel gross in myself at the moment don't feel attractive at all. My partner has has told me he's happy my boobs are going to get bigger as they won't be shit boobs anymore! I mean he was drunk but it hurt me this was a couple of weeks ago. Last night we were watching something and a pair of adult twins came on the TV. They were showing how the wash together in the shower and they had massive fake boobs with fake long hair and lots of work done to their face. And they share the same boyfriend. My partner straight away commented saying how can 10 out of 10 (basicly amazing looking) twins be with such an ugly man. Where can he get a pair of twins of his own. It really upset me and I had to go bed! He's tried to be suck up and show me some affectation this morning but I cant even look at him I feel like I'll never be like those women, I have blonde hair, a little figure. I feel worthless. He's gone out now in a mood saying I'm pissing him off because I'm in a low mood. How do I start to feel better about myself so I don't feel so hurt by comments he makes about other females?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 15/08/2021 10:37

You won’t start to feel better about yourself if you stay with someone who’s going to keep stamping all over your self esteem. There are no “shit boobs”.

I doubt these are the first cruel comments he’s made to you.

Being pregnant can be a vulnerable time for even the most confident women and lead to complicated feelings as your body changes. Going through that with a disgusting nasty bully who repeatedly says mean things to you is going to be bloody awful.

You don’t have to stay with him.

GreyCarpet · 15/08/2021 10:45

How do I start to feel better about myself so I don't feel so hurt by comments he makes about other females?

God if someone had said that about, I'd leave them. Pregnant or not. Evidenced by the fact I have dumped every single man who has ever made a negative comment about my body - that's been most of them so I'm perpetually single. But I'd rather be single (and a single parent - which I also am and have been for a decade) than be with someone who made comments about me like that. Who the fuck does he think he is?!

BunnyR · 15/08/2021 10:58

He is very affectionate, he tells me how beautiful I am most of the time, but he drops comments sometimes but he says he loves my body. I honestly just don't feel like I'll ever be good enough for him, I will never look like those women for a start If I had the money to get a boob job I would but I don't not yet. He thinks I'm bring stupid taking what he said about the twins to heart but I just think if he thinks that there 10/10 and I'm nothing like that then he must be lying when he says he loves the way I look. I just feel really emotional 😢

OP posts:
layladomino · 15/08/2021 11:10

Don't base your self-esteem on your looks, and don't compare yourself with people who are not 'real'.

The colour of your hair, the size of your clothes, the size of your boobs - there is no right or wrong. For every person who prefers brunettes, there's one who prefers red heads or blondes. For every man who likes a sporty physique, there's one who prefers bigger, or petite. For every person who prefers bigger boobs there's one who actively doesn't like them.

So, in physical terms, there is no right and wrong. There are preferences but no right or wrong.

There is nothing at all wrong with you. What is wrong is that your DP has undermined your confidence, at a time when you are vulnerable because of your pregnancy-changing body. It doesn't mean he fancies you any less, but he should be more careful and think about how it comes across to you.

It may help if you do the same. Start rating men out of 10 and wondering aloud where you could get one of them.

But seriously, try to work on your confidence - and if you need to, fake it til you make it - there is nothing so attractive as someone who is confident in their own skin. Some of the people I find most attractive are not the most attractive (not the 10/10 !) on paper, ie obviously physically. But they are confident, smiley, comfortable in who they are, don't hide themselves, don't apologise for who they are, don't compare themselves with other people.

5128gap · 15/08/2021 11:17

So is he 10/10? You don't need to answer that, as even if he looks like a Greek God, he loses points for being sleezy, entitled, tactless and not very bright. Never ever think you need to change a single thing about yourself for someone else's benefit. No one is 10/10 to everyone as people have different ideas of beauty, and those twins wouldn't be everyone's idea of perfect. I doubt he's lying that he loves the way you look by the way, the twins aren't 'real' it's a manufactured image. If he has any intelligence he knows this.

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