I don't know how I'm supposed to feel (porn related)

[namechanged221]

Name changed.
DH and I have been having a huge row, his porn use which has been going on all the way through our relationship has ended up impacting on our lives. We didn't have sex for over a year and I guess I was burying my head in the sand because I knew he was just using porn but I didn't want to think about it.
Now its all come to the forefront and I started to think about leaving and was looking for a flat so I could move out with me and DS (DD is at uni)
But he's saying that he wants to try and make it work, that he's been a fool and that now I'm actually maybe leaving him it's made him realise what an idiot he's been.
He is trying to change and has been trying to give me hugs/ kisses sex etc. He says he won't use porn any more? I don't really know if I care whether he does or not.
I want to give him a chance though as this has all just come out of nowhere... we drifted apart so much, this is literally the first time we talked about sex for over a year. But I don't know if I can get past the worry and upset. I'm in a negative spiral of thinking about it.

@TakeYourFinalPosition
Thanks, I agree with you. I'm not an expert but I can see that the reddit stuff is more interactive and that is horrible.

@Pinkbonbon
Thank you, that's reassuring because I definitely do feel betrayed and hurt. I was finding it difficult to gauge whether I'm over-reacting

No one can withhold sex, because no one is entitled to sex!

@YouShouldLeave I agree. Neither of us made an effort over the past year.

Me mainly because I've been very involved in my work and I have been working towards getting a more senior role which I now have.
It became quite all-consuming during lockdown.
I was aware that sex had stoped altogether in our relationship but it was easier to ignore it and just keep working because that was something that I could control.

I knew once the subject cane up that I'd get upset and the whole porn debate would re-start. I just didn't have the emotional energy to go there.

To be honest OP, it may well be that the porn use has mentally made sex a total mental turn off for you— that’s how it affected me.

From a guys POV
For me porn is great when working away from home for a while, have a wank cum and go to sleep happy, my wife does the same does not watch porn but buy batteries
However when I am home I would never dream of watching porn, I know I am very lucky to have a wife with a similar sex dive to me (both high) I know she would be rightly pissed off if I was wanking off with her in the house and happy to join in ! I would feel the same how insulting that someone would rather wank off than have fun with their partner
It is of course different with very miss matched sex drives that is a very tough situation and soul destroying

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

I always say it's none of anyone's business how a partner masturbates.

But if he's been withholding sex then that's a separate issue, and it's often not a porn issue, it's a control issue.

Bollocks. Women are perfectly entitled not to want to be with a man who pays for and wanks off to only fans accounts. They’re also entitled not to want to be with a man who watches other forms of porn they find offensive, or that are even illegal in some cases.

@Freddy12 Why do you look at random women when working away rather than images of your wife? !

[quote DuchessOfDisaster]@Freddy12 Why do you look at random women when working away rather than images of your wife? ![/quote]
Probably as we don’t make home movies
Bit of a non thing really I think
My point was I would not be amusing myself when home with my wife

Hi thanks all.

@Freddy12 I agree entirely.

[quote DuchessOfDisaster]@Freddy12 Why do you look at random women when working away rather than images of your wife? ![/quote]
@Freddy12
Yes I had the same question
So wife uses a piece of plastic and he uses other women .
How do you find platforms that don’t allow any child abuse of non consensual images of women, considering most seem to have this type of content ? Surely you wouldn’t support such sites?