Left emotionally abusive husband - refuge question

[MumyToThree]

Hey
I left my emotionally abusive husband last week and spent a week in a premier inn and now I’m living in my mums tiny 2 bedroom flat with her, her partner and my 3 children.
I have a full time job about to start and so have been looking and hoping to find a private rent house with no luck. I was wondering if I would still be eligible for help from someone such as women’s aid in relation to me and my kids staying in a refuge till I find a house?
Does anyone have a similar experience and can advise,
TIA

but why? you are safe, and housed. why take a refuge space when you are covered already?

Would the local council not help? Maybe find you a house? Xx

Sorry I didn’t mean to offend anyone. It was just because I am living with my 3 children with my mum and her partner in her tiny flat sleeping on the sofa and air beds, it’s not ideal. But I understand what you are saying that’s why I asked cos I didn’t know If I was eligible. That’s ok thankyou for your reply

The local council said there is a 6 week wait minimum, xx

i think you might find yourselves in a one room b&b which might be worse. and out of area.

no harm in ringing to ask though. and they may know of houses to rent etc. nothing to lose by calling them op!

I don’t think anyone should be questioning why you want a refuge space.

You’ve left an emotionally abusive relationship. Things are messy after that and I really don’t think anyone has the right to judge.

I don’t know where you stand. Call women’s aid and go from there.

Well done on leaving your abuser. Things will get better after the initial struggle.

I agree that nobody should be questioning or commenting on what you are doing especially when no one knows the full facts of your situation.

Good luck moving forward.

Good luck for your new life , it will all be worth it however hard now.
Its quite clear that you need to move out of a 2 bed flat with 3 children !
Is it worth contacting shelter also ?

I left my emotionally abusive ex, spent a week on a friend’s couch, ended up in the council offices in tears. They referred me to women’s aid, who gave me a refuge space, a lot of help and support dealing with benefits and housing, but also getting back on my feet without him, and coming to terms with it all. Even if you don’t get a space in a refuge, they can still support you and your dc.

You definitely should not self exclude from going after a refuge space. The current situation will put everyone under pressure and you at risk of returning to an abusive ex. It doesn't sound tenable. I hope you get somewhere. Well done for leaving and lots of love.

Ring Woman's Aid, Shelter, and your local council. They are all there to help you.

Best of luck

Hello OP
Well done for leaving your abusive partner & keeping yourself & your kids safe.
Call the National DA helpline. They can advise re refuge spaces/housing.
www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/
Good luck 💐

How completely tone deaf@gardeninggirl68-you likely speak from a postion of privilege&far-removed judgement
Of course you should try and sort something else out now you are away from the constant threat of abuseOP..its the next step on the path-having a roof over your head doesnt preclude you from assistance&advice.Id hardly call3 adults &3kids in a2bedder living la vida-so with a full time job you can certainly crack on with upping the game&getting off the couch-well for leaving &hope the next stage goes smoothly

@gardeninggirl68

but why? you are safe, and housed. why take a refuge space when you are covered already?

But more sympathy would be more appropriate??!!

Well done @MumyToThree

I spent many a night on the floor after fleeing my exs abuse
It is horrific

In my home town WA will help you find somewhere suitable . Help you get some belongings that you may need

Stay strong and be safe

Do. Not fall for him when he calls with his croc tears

Thankyou everyone your support and advise is amazing and much appreciated. I will give them a call and see what advise they can give me.
Thanks again everyone xx

6 weeks wait with council is amazingly short. Make sure you're "on the list" or "bidding" (whichever is the process in your area).

But yes do contact Womens Aid as well. They will assess your need and if they have a space for you then happy days. Be aware it is likely to be a single room shared with your DC, so probably similar to where you are now.

Are your parents being difficult? It's very common for children with toxic parents to get into abusive relationships

Well done OP!

I have no additional advice, but I wish you and your kids all the best.

Wish you lots of luck OP

You can do this

And trust me
Life is sooooo much better now you are out

I think Housing dept and Women's Aid outreach support sounds more suitable than a refuge space. People that need the safety of a refuge are expected to go wherever there is space, away from their local area, across the other side of country if necessary so they can't be found. If you want to start your job and stay local for support and its safe to do so then refuge pathway to housing is probably not for you.

Well done OP.

Of course you should contact them.

You are so brave and yoùr children are so lucky to have you.

Best of luck.

gardeninggirl68 Sat 14-Aug-21 21:54:06
but why? you are safe, and housed. why take a refuge space when you are covered already?

^ That's one of teh stupidest responses I have ever seen on here

Just a quick update, the day after I posted this I was offered a house 😊 so I will be moving in shortly. Thanks everyone xxx

So glad to hear this

Hope you are all ok?

Did think of you often
Stay strong

You have done so well

So glad to read this.

Of course you did the right thing.

Stay safe and update again.

Posts like this are so uplifting.