First deployment to Afghanistan - Calling army spouse

[ArmySpouse123]

Hi there,

My partner has been called this week to Afghanistan, he has already left. We live together and have been together for 2 years, during this time he has has no deployments. He has previously done many tours.

I feel so overwhelmed. We hope he will be back mid September, but there will be 10 days quarantine. Why on earth they can’t quarantine at home, I don’t know!

Any advice on how to cope? I know my partner needs me to be strong, so he doesn’t worry, but I completely broke down and couldn’t hold it together. I feel like I am not going to be able to get through this period.

Thanks

Hi ArmySpouse123

Im a forces wife, is he your husband ? Do you live on a pads estate?

It is very strange that this deployment was a a surprise as he would have been stood up already ?

Yes someone we are very close to also went at short notice earlier in the week. Moved from 5 day stand by to 48 hours then 12 hours and off. Worrying, but messages are all good thus far. She says Karbul airport had a degree of tension in the air, but didn’t feel unsafe at present.
I think you cope one day at a time. When our son deployed, we told ourselves he was doing a job he loved and was proud of. He was well trained and the overall risks are quite low. That isn’t minimising the loss for some families, but most come home safe and well.

It's been pretty normal to have decompression breaks on the way back from operational theatres for a while now - it's not just covid, it's MH as well. Let's hope that the current deployment is not too gruelling.

As you say partner, not husband, I assume you are not living on a patch? You should however still be able to access welfare services, have you had any info on these?

Phone calls might be a bit few and far between, but you should be able to exchange messages pretty easily by email/e-bluey. Try to whinge to friends, rather than to him, even if/when you have some tough moments. How do you get on with the girlfriends/wives/partners of his colleagues. Even if you are not likely to become bosom buddies with them, they can be a great stay during deployments

My nephew was given 24 hours notice to go back this week, he should have been on leave for most of Aug having just come back, quarantine from previous tour was at a base. Am worried ☹️

Good advice @mpsw. Absolutely agree with all your points.

@ArmySpouse123 it does get easier. Try to keep as busy as possible - use the next few days to make plans for the period he’ll be away. Arrange days out/weekends away with friends and family, do sports, hobbies, etc. Try to fill your diary with things to look forward to and the time will go quicker. Plus you’ll have interesting things to talk about when you are able to talk/email.

With the latest news about the speed of events in Afghanistan, it's likely to be a very short deployment

So perhaps advice about finding welfare services etc won't be particularly relevant. But still worth seeing if there is a partners' network. Even for very short deployments, it can really help to be in a group with others who 'get it' in terms of where the stresses lie.

They may well not be people you would choose to be in contact with in any other circumstances, but they will include large numbers who will rally round - it's not friendship, it's fellow feeling and real willingness to help all those in the same boat, whoever that might be

Our son has just had a FaceTime call. She was eating pizza for lunch and her current greatest fear is she won’t do long enough for a medal. One casualty thus far - an American who turned ankle playing football.

Still a worry though.