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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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17 replies

Miagems · 14/08/2021 18:46

Im not sure who to ask for some advice. So hopefully can get some here. My friend and I went out last night we had a few shots and i spoke about how i only see him as a friend. We carried on the evening having a nice night and headed back to his like we usually do. I woke up and didn't feel right so whilst he was asleep i checked his phone. There was pictures and videos of him having sex with me but i was so passed out i wasnr responsive at all. Im angry at myself for getting in a state that i clearly am so out of it but so sad my what my friend has done. I deleted everything and when he woke i told him i knew and he just looked at me and said nothing. I left and hes not called or messaged and deleted me from social media why is he doing this? I feel like i need answers but shouldn't have to go to him to get them.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/08/2021 18:52

Who is this so called friend you went out with, another male or a female. Whatever, they are no friend of yours and you should not see them again.

I would be contacting Rape Crisis in your particular circumstances, you did not give consent and were in no position to do so. The sexual assault of you is all on him and he alone.

litterbird · 14/08/2021 18:53

You really need to report this to the police, they can take his phone and find the images. This is rape. I suspect your drink may have been spiked. Get some support for yourself too. Stay away from him immediately and do not contact him at all. Call the police now.

RandomMess · 14/08/2021 19:03

He raped you Angry

MiniTheMinx · 14/08/2021 19:13

Its a shame you deleted it. You should have sent it to yourself, as evidence of what he did. I'm sorry this has happened to you, you didn't do anything wrong. Its rape. Do you think you can ring rape crisis or perhaps tell a friend who can come over and support you?

Moonface123 · 14/08/2021 19:17

He has probably done this before and will do it to someone else.
You need to report him.
Don't blame yourself, he knew exactly what he was doing.

Moonface123 · 14/08/2021 19:20

A lot of men know that the woman won't report it.
Only 16 percent of women who are assaulted or raped while on a date with someone they met online report it.
These predators p!ay on the woman's shame, please.report him.

Miagems · 14/08/2021 19:24

I feel like i cant go to the police he was/is my friend. We have nice memories and i dont want to shatter that and i know he already has done that himself but he is my only friend and although hes deleted me on everything i am hoping he will contact me and at least apoligise i dont see why he hasn't done that:/ im so confused.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 14/08/2021 19:27

He knows what he has done is illegal.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/08/2021 19:42

He raped you. He deserves no consideration from you whatsoever and is certainly not the man you thought he was.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/08/2021 19:48

He has not and will not apologise, he’s now actively tried to delete you from his life.

You need to reconsider not reporting this to the police.

Why was someone like this apparently your only friend?.

doitwithlove · 14/08/2021 22:00

Have you thought that your friend will probably do this to another woman.

Unfortunately you not reporting this man to the police is NOT the right thing to do. He is a rapist.

CordeliasPencil · 14/08/2021 22:04

He's raped you, I'm so sorry, and anyone who can do that to his 'friend'... Well he isn't your friend. He's abused you and your trust. I know that that hurts and that you would want him to still be the friend you thought he was...
But you need to report this to the police.

Ladybug123 · 14/08/2021 22:13

Please contact the police. This man is NOT your friend. He is a sexual predator who knew exactly what he was doing.

He raped you. I’m so very sorry but you mustn’t allow him anywhere near you again or able to get to any other women.

frozendaisy · 15/08/2021 00:11

Friends don't do this.

Justa47 · 15/08/2021 04:27

@Miagems

That’s is rape.
Call the police.
Please talk to a help line. Please
I hope you are ok

He is not a friend
He is a a criminal and a sex offender.

alexa677 · 15/08/2021 07:49

He's deleted and blocked you in panic, hoping if he ignores you it will all go away

You really need to contact the police or rose crisis. Please Thanks

Also, please don't worry about losing his friendship. You should never want to be around him again

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 15/08/2021 08:00

He's blocked you because he knows he raped you.

I'm so sorry OP this is a huge betrayal to deal with. Do you have family you can confide in? Or if you're working for a large company they will often have a free telephone counselling service included in your employee benefits.

I have experienced similar to you and its a total headfuck loving him but knowing that he raped you. I would urge you to block him from all contact now because he will try to guilt trip you into coming back with threats of suicide etc.

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