I'm fed up of being treated like sh!t

[Myla2]

Just that. I'm fuming. I had an abusive dad that did the exact same to me but never did I expect the same of the father of my child.

When things are good he is great. But obviously when things are easy it requires the bare minimum. As soon as we encounter an issue or he upsets me he turns nasty. He swears at me and screams. His family has heard him talk to me like the before and its mortifying. He has no care or dignity for whether anyone is around us and if he shames me. He kept saying he was going to get counselling for his anger. He always lashes out then blames me saying I've "triggered him or go on his nerves". I hate the fact that he uses me as an excuse and doesnt take any accountability for the way he lacks control with his anger. It's so abusive. I want out. He keeps promising he will change, he sees red then calms down and it's like two different people. When he is on a rampage there is no reasoning with him. He kicks things and hit things. Screams and shouts. Then he calms down and becomes all apologetic and solemn. He still hasn't bothered with a counsellor and things came to head again last night and I've just had enough of this cycle.

I want out. I cant trust him to change. His words have no value to me anymore.

But we have a child and I have no where to go. I have no home. I reached out to shelter and they told me it could be a year until I leave. I dont think this is abusive enough to warrant womans aid help. What can I do?

It IS abusive enough to contact women's aid. Are you able to contact them safely?

Has he been through mental health services? My partner is bipolar and while it's hard to tell based on what you've said it's something to consider.

With that said you absolutely do not have to suffer through abuse regardless of why. Could you ask him to see the doctor for this while you start weighing your options?

Women's Aid.

He's abusive and dangerous. Get out now and take the child with you.

Think about it logically. Either he cannot help himself and is utterly out of control - which is incredibly dangerous for you and a child to be around if he can't control his temper and his actions.

Or he can control himself and is therefore deliberately choosing to terrify and upset a woman and a child.

Neither is acceptable. And no apology in the world is meaningful.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none. Your relationship with him was really over the first time he abused you verbally and/or physically. Abuse is about power and control; its not about communication or a perceived lack of.

We learn about relationships first and foremost from our parents; look at what your parents taught you. I am not totally surprised that you are currently in a relationship with an abusive man. He (like your dad) will never enter into any form of counselling. These men too hate women, ALL of them.

Are you married to this man?. You do not mention this hence me asking. I would also think he can and does control himself around other people; he does not act like this in polite company or with his work colleagues. He is angry because he is abusive, not because he is angry.

You want out so start making plans to leave on the quiet. Seek legal advice from Solicitors and also seek the help of Womens Aid. Your safety here is of paramount concern.

You have a choice re this man, your child does not. Do not replicate what your mother presumably did with you as a child and stay for too many years with her man to the detriment of both her and you.

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?.
This is indeed what Womens Aid would be helpful to you for. Do not assume this is "not abusive enough" for them to help you with because it absolutely is and they do not have any such criteria.

When someone apologises then doesn't make any efforts not to repeat the offense, their apology was just words and not meant.

Please talk to Womens Aid and seek out any support you can get IRL and on here, as you really need to leave. @MadMadMadamMim put it so well - he is either out of control and therefore dangerous to you and your children, or he's choosing to terrorise you.

Please get out for yours and your DC sakes.

AttilaTheMeercat gives good advice. I am a woman who has experienced the hell and misery of living with a covert narcissistic and she nails it every single time. Some people think she churns out the same advice ad hock, but that’s cos she knows , just like I know, how they operate.
He will get worse, it will escalate, he has made a conscious decision to abuse you . Its nothing about love it is EVERYTHING about control. By the time you realise , you’re in to deep. Please do your research and do it quick.