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Original poster

Anyone ever taken a chance on a partner that wasn't their 'type' and end up really happy ?

30 replies

painterofhope · 14/08/2021 10:42

Just that! I'm interested in the idea of having a type and what it really
Means ? For me , I find tall, strong , dark haired men very attractive yet the only one I had a relationship with turned out to be a wanker . Personality , I am a chatty person yet I feel that I attract much quieter men and end up being largely ignored when things settles down.

OP posts:
BruceAndNosh · 14/08/2021 10:45

Yep.
I specialised in good looking shallow charmers before I met DH.

Never underestimate the value of a quiet decent man (who is incredibly funny when he can get a word in edgeways)
Married for 30+ years...

Oblomov21 · 14/08/2021 10:55

No. Because I seemed to get to grips with different men and different personality types very young, pre 14, by sussing out the popular boys in my year, older boys at parties, and much older boys through my brothers.

I realised what a really nice boy was, with potential to be a good long term husband.

I don't understand most women. I don't understand the attraction to bad boys, shallow good looking types. All the twats that MN'ers are married to prompt a relationship thread, I just can't comprehend how the woman didn't have the emotional intelligence to see the red flags, thus I can't work out why women married them in the first place.

Hummingbird25 · 14/08/2021 10:59

Yes. I dated rugby players, footballers and models for years in my twenties - had fun but it never went anywhere. We never had anything in common. Now I'm married to a computer geek who loves gaming and is my best friend. I couldn't be happier. I sometimes wonder what decent guys I ignored in my past because I didn't think they were my type.

UndeadSlut · 14/08/2021 11:04

Yep. Used to go for chatty, sociable big friendly bear types, as I am quiet and thought being with someone like that would help bring me out of my shell. It never worked and with the last one I ended up actually retreating further into myself and losing any confidence I had because he just took over everything for me.

I'm now with a lovely, quiet man who is happy to spend evenings just the two of us, not having to go and be in crowded bars with loud groups of "friends" every night. It's wonderful!

Also he is not the type I used to go for physically and that has made a difference too.

SarahBellam · 14/08/2021 11:32

I’ve always gone for nerds. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t imagine myself with someone who wasn’t a superbrainiac, even though I’m not one myself.

sunnyzweibrucken · 14/08/2021 12:36

I let someone go that was my type -dark, handsome athletic, quiet, fiercely loyal and protective-because I thought he was boring. Dated someone not athletic, had to be on the go all the time, life of the party, extremely gregarious and social. He got bored because I wasn’t like him so ended up cheating. Wish I could get my quiet guy back 😂

JustGiveMeGin · 14/08/2021 18:20

I would always say I like dark, stocky men (like rugby player physique) with a macho personality.
I am married to a lanky, blonde haired none macho man🤷‍♀️

SarahDarah · 14/08/2021 18:28

@Oblomov21

No. Because I seemed to get to grips with different men and different personality types very young, pre 14, by sussing out the popular boys in my year, older boys at parties, and much older boys through my brothers.

I realised what a really nice boy was, with potential to be a good long term husband.

I don't understand most women. I don't understand the attraction to bad boys, shallow good looking types. All the twats that MN'ers are married to prompt a relationship thread, I just can't comprehend how the woman didn't have the emotional intelligence to see the red flags, thus I can't work out why women married them in the first place.

@Oblomov21 same! It's scary how much common sense a lot of women seem to lack 😳 I've never understood the bad/selfish men so many women end up married with when the whole point of dating is to discern the person's character.

Too many women have their own selves to blame quite frankly and just jump in irresponsibily. It's very rare a man genuinely "changes" in a long term relationship - I've seen in real life ALL the time that the signs are all there but are ignored/woman is oblivious or the woman assumes he will change in a positive way. A huge majority of unhappy relationships can be avoided, including abusive ones.

Houseofvelour · 14/08/2021 18:38

Me! DH is the complete opposite of the guys I'd usually date. Thank god he is because they were all pricks and he's my absolute favourite person on the planet!
I wasn't attracted to him at first but now I
Can't get enough of him 😊

Cosybelles · 14/08/2021 18:43

My 'criteria' were: is he interesting? Is he funny? Do I feel comfortable around him? And I've ended up very happy. Physical appearance is important but it wasn't a primary selection criteria.

Alcemeg · 14/08/2021 18:44

@Oblomov21

No. Because I seemed to get to grips with different men and different personality types very young, pre 14, by sussing out the popular boys in my year, older boys at parties, and much older boys through my brothers.

I realised what a really nice boy was, with potential to be a good long term husband.

I don't understand most women. I don't understand the attraction to bad boys, shallow good looking types. All the twats that MN'ers are married to prompt a relationship thread, I just can't comprehend how the woman didn't have the emotional intelligence to see the red flags, thus I can't work out why women married them in the first place.

I think it didn't help me that I went to a girls' grammar school, so had no exposure to boys on a daily basis. Plus I was blind as a bat!

I was never attracted by looks, mostly as I couldn't see anyone anyway. I was just grateful for attention and therefore accepted whatever came my way.

For years!!!!!! 😋

Mammyofasuperbaby · 14/08/2021 18:51

I used to go for either the bad boy with a chisled physic, but not very smart or uber intelligent men. I spent most of my time either dumbing myself down so much I had a headache or being intellectually stimulated but massively ignored in every other aspect.
My friends all thought I'd end up with a librarian or a professor.
I've ended up with a sweet, strong, tall musician who hasn't got a bad bone in his body. He isn't as academic as me but happily joins in the conversation and I do the same when he is discussing his interests.
Normally the men I date are clean cut or average style wise but my husband is always dressed in black, leather and quite heavy metal.
I'm so glad I took the chance on him because it was the best thing I've ever done. He is a wonderful husband and father.

Thehop · 14/08/2021 19:27

Me!

I’m with husband number 2. Definitely not my type. Was a slow burn for me but I adore him. We’re very happily married with children

Farevalah · 14/08/2021 19:44

Yep with my now DH.
Big age gap - he's 14 years older.
He wasn't my type at all but we clicked and a few months later he proposed when we were on holiday in NYC. Said yes and 16 years later still very happy!

frozendaisy · 15/08/2021 00:21

On paper we would hate each other.
In real life we make each other the best versions of us we can ever hope to aspire to.

Paulinna · 15/08/2021 00:24

Depends what you mean by “type”. If you mean “not your usual type but still attractive” then yes it can work out well. But if you mean “don’t fancy him” then no, that never works out well.

Henrytheehoover · 15/08/2021 00:39

I used to have a Corsa. It was amazing, it was powerful, looked smart and went fast. It also leaked oil constantly and broke down on me one too many times. I got rid of it after a year and replaced it with a polo with a measly one litre engine. It was so boring, but it got me to work every day and I kept it for 15 years I the end. I always think of men when I think of my polo and corsa. The flashy, exciting but unreliable one, versus the safe but steady and reliable one.

My DH was 'not my type' on paper. Physically he is, but I did think when we were younger that we weren't on the same intellectual level. I enjoyed having fun with him in my 20s though and kind of sailed along with it. I expected our relationship to fizzle out, but it grew stronger as we moved in together and I saw his practical side. He is different to me and was good for me when I was younger, encouraging me out of my comfort zone. I always think of him as a sensible influence to my craziness. I knew he was the man for me one night when he got to the hospital before an ambulance I was in. He is not one for grand, sweeping, romantic gestures. But he will always make me a cuppa in the morning and text me to say good morning (he's up and our before I get up). I'm glad I took the chance with him because we are on the same page with how we raise our children. He is an actively involved father and I love him for that.

41sunnydays · 15/08/2021 01:09

@Oblomov21

No. Because I seemed to get to grips with different men and different personality types very young, pre 14, by sussing out the popular boys in my year, older boys at parties, and much older boys through my brothers.

I realised what a really nice boy was, with potential to be a good long term husband.

I don't understand most women. I don't understand the attraction to bad boys, shallow good looking types. All the twats that MN'ers are married to prompt a relationship thread, I just can't comprehend how the woman didn't have the emotional intelligence to see the red flags, thus I can't work out why women married them in the first place.

Totally agree!

Never had a type but didn't got for looks either. I felt I clicked with my DH, we had a good time together and very similar values. On paper we are probably not compatible, but been together 23 years. It's not always been easy but he's an amazing person and incredible dad.

Fuckitsstillraining · 15/08/2021 02:25

When I first introduced my now husband to my parents my mother commented afterwards 'that won't last, he's not your type', I was 31 and always dated very good looking sporty physically attractive men, think captain of the football team types. I was friends with my husband for a year before we went on a date, he was very different to anyone I'd dated previously, he wore a suit and tie for work and that was what he was most comfortable in outside of work too, he isn't physically as fit as any of my ex's and he's quite overweight, he is only 3 years older than me but looked and acted a decade older, I have a child that I didn't introduce to previous boyfriends but because we'd been friends before dating they had met and that relationship grew stronger as ours did, slowly but steadily. He and I shared no common interests, he is a motor sport fanatic who competes at a very high level, I still find it incredibly boring but he accepts that, we are 20 years together, married 15, he is the best thing to happen to me other than my child, he tells me every day that I'm beautiful (I'm not) and that he loves me, he refers to us having a son, there's no 'step' involved, he has supported us in every way possible and I love him more than I thought possible. If we hadn't been friends before dating I'd never have given him a chance because he wasn't my type so now I always encourage my friends to take a chance on different types, restricting yourself to what you think is your ideal might mean missing out on a hidden treasure. I'm so glad I took a risk with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

DramaAlpaca · 15/08/2021 02:27

Yes. I would never have said DH was my physical type. But there was something about him... married over 30 years now and very happy. He's amazing.

Newmum29 · 15/08/2021 03:01

Yes and he’s perfect

Insert1x20p · 15/08/2021 03:02

I always went for "big" personalities who liked to party, because I'm extrovert (and also liked to party although not so much now) so we'd tend to gravitate. However, my DH is pretty quiet. He's sociable (that would be a deal breaker for me if I'm honest) but prefers dinner with a group of friends or socialising with other families to big parties etc. I never really had a physical type although I did used to refuse to date anyone whose thighs were thinner than mine (insecure or what?). I met my DH through friends and he basically grew on me. Together 18 years.

WTF475878237NC · 15/08/2021 03:17

You've only dated one man who was your type so it's hardly a large enough sample to come to the conclusion that you're into the wrong type! Your type might not be the issue at all, you could have just been unlucky.

leftshark · 15/08/2021 03:23

@Oblomov21

No. Because I seemed to get to grips with different men and different personality types very young, pre 14, by sussing out the popular boys in my year, older boys at parties, and much older boys through my brothers.

I realised what a really nice boy was, with potential to be a good long term husband.

I don't understand most women. I don't understand the attraction to bad boys, shallow good looking types. All the twats that MN'ers are married to prompt a relationship thread, I just can't comprehend how the woman didn't have the emotional intelligence to see the red flags, thus I can't work out why women married them in the first place.

This is shockingly short sighted.
Longdistance · 15/08/2021 04:16

My dh is almost the opposite of my ‘type’. I like my men tall, dark haired, not sporty, flash types.
Dh is only slightly taller than me, blonde, loves sport and definitely not flashy.
We’ve been married 13 years with two dds.