My single life - month 2

[FairyAtTheBottomOfTheGarden]

Following on from www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4297532-My-single-life-month-1

So 2 months in and I'll admit that I had a quick look at online dating 🙈 All it's done though is convince me that I really can't be bothered with it.

A friend asked me what I'd be looking for in a relationship and having mulled it over, most of the things I'd want are fulfilled by my friends, and possibly a dog in the future, so I've deleted my profile and am just getting on with enjoying being me 🙂

I'll report back in another month and let you know if anything changes... can't see it though!

I stopped dating at end of 2019, I can't think of a time I've been happier and more self sufficient.
I could not imagine dating or having someone else I'd have to consider now, I like just me and daughter trotting about the place.

How exciting OP, reading your post makes me hopeful. You sound strong and in a good place. Happy for you

@minniemouseshouses

How exciting OP, reading your post makes me hopeful. You sound strong and in a good place. Happy for you

Aww that's lovely, thanks!

@ParityJ

I stopped dating at end of 2019, I can't think of a time I've been happier and more self sufficient. I could not imagine dating or having someone else I'd have to consider now, I like just me and daughter trotting about the place.

It's just so much easier isn't it? 😁

Practical question - I'm not interested in OLD but I'm really curious. Can you look without setting up a profile?

@Getbehindme

Practical question - I'm not interested in OLD but I'm really curious. Can you look without setting up a profile?

No, but you can set up a fake profile...

(which I may or may not have done 😏)

I'm thinking of going as Jennifer Lopez.... so they're not vetted per say.

@Getbehindme

I'm thinking of going as Jennifer Lopez.... so they're not vetted per say.

I had to do email verification, and I hid the profile immediately so I'm not wasting anyone's time but I guess you can put whatever you want!

Any tips for getting to that place OP? I’m in a similar position (long marriage then a relationship that didn’t work out) and I’m tired of feeling like I need a man to be happy. I’ve read so much and tried all the things you’re meant to but how do you practically do it (eg make new friends) and physically stop wanting it (eg missing affection)?

Hi new to this thread. Divorced over 2 yrs ago after a long marriage then met someone via OLD. That hasn't worked out and I'm gutted. Trying to get back to where I was before I met him. Like a previous poster said I was happy with my single life before,just need to get back to that place and OLD is definitely not for me

The Unexpected Joy of Being Single was a good read. I just go through phases but it's still reasonably early doors for me. Plus we're all still adapting to post lockdown life and I think a lot of people are still adjusting and keeping a low profile, whether in couples or not.

@Nightmarenextdoor What hobbies do you have?
Are there things you're interested in but never taken further?

What about friends? Can you meet up with friends in a group? Often they will bring other friends and then before you know it your friendship circle is bigger.

Do you work? Any work meet ups organised?

If you are happy in yourself you rarely crave a physical touch.

I'm on month 9 of being 'free' best feeling in the world. It's just me and my kids and also looking to add a dog into the mix sometime in the future! I've never been happier! What breed are you thinking of getting OP??

I dipped my toe into the online dating shark pool this summer

Jesus , I’m taking my toe out

Getting shag is hard work 😓

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I dipped my toe into the online dating shark pool this summer

Jesus , I’m taking my toe out

Getting shag is hard work 😓

Lol!

I'm fresh out of a 6 year relationship and not planning dating or looking to date for quite some time, I'm giving being single a go and at this point I feel relief at no longer being in my last relationship which was pretty toxic.

Just me and my kids and I'm feeling happy for the first time in a while

@SortingItOut that’s a really interesting point about feeling better in yourself - I definitely don’t atm but I’m working on it.

I just don’t seem to meet people irl though of course COVID hasn’t helped - my friends are all coupled up as are my workmates and I’m not really a ‘joiner’. I’m working on that too though and if I meet someone it will be a bonus, otherwise I’ll hopefully be happier anyway.

Can I join please? I divorced after 14 years and then spent 16 months on my own. I tired OLD and had a 6 month relationship that I thought was going places then out of the blue, gone!!

I am happy on my own, but I really miss affection and intimacy.

Welcome to the club everyone! I've found that life is so much more simple this way, no expectations to be dashed or live up to.

For those struggling with single life, try writing a list of what you want from a relationship. For me, there's nothing that I can't fix for myself, without the overthinking and heartbreak which I always seem to get in relationships.

This is just what I need! Same as you @Nightmarenextdoor I had a long marriage which ended 13 years ago and then an 11 year relationship with a younger man which ended recently. I'm grieving again and scared of being old an alone but cross with myself for thinking it's all about having a man! I'm too old for this shit. Mumsnet helped me through the classic being traded out for a younger woman in 2009, hoping it will help me over this one too.

I'm also binge watching Sex & The City, it's helping!
Come on ladies, we're all far too fabulous to be wasted on a man who doesn't deserve us! If the perfect man does come along then maybe we'll be in the right place to give him a chance, but otherwise we're enough as we are, we certainly don't need to go searching him 🙂

Reading up on how to embrace being single is helpful, but the main thing for me was actually believing l could be happy alone, and having the determination to make it work.
Being totally independent, and not relying on anyone else financially, physically and emotionally takes a lot of strength, especially when things are not going well, , But it also gives you confidence, freedom and peace of mind. No nasty shocks or surprises.
You often find when your not looking for love,.people have a way of showing up.

I'm 38 but getting to the stage where I feel like dating is more hassle than it is worth. How do you get to that stage where you can't be bothered with dating anymore? Only thing I miss is an active sex life but I do not miss the dating stage and all the uncertainty.

@androidmatic

I'm 38 but getting to the stage where I feel like dating is more hassle than it is worth. How do you get to that stage where you can't be bothered with dating anymore? Only thing I miss is an active sex life but I do not miss the dating stage and all the uncertainty.

For me, online dating killed all desires too date anyone unless they come along and are perfect.

My life right now is easily a 8/10 it would be a 9/10 but that would take a million pounds in my account.
I'm not dating anyone unless they add to my score.
If they bring drama, that's a minus.
If they play games (mind games not video games) then that's a minus too.
Etc.

Basically, it would take a very very special person for me to even consider dating them. Once I realised that, the thoughts of dating became like the vapour from my pot noodle.

I'm not dating anyone unless they add to my score

Love this!!