Relationship anxiety

[notthatgreat]

My boyfriend (in our 40's so sounds silly to me) is a lovely man. I've known him all of my life and we've always been friends.
Some years ago implied he was interested in me but it wasn't right at the time. We lost touch for a few years then last year became friends and I realised I felt very different and luckily he felt the same.
He is the kindest, funniest, sweetest man I've ever had a relationship with and I'm all in, so is he. We aren't rushing into living together or anything but agree it's where we want to be one day.
The only thing is that he seems to be possibly suffering from some kind of relationship anxiety and it's affecting him (and me) more than it should be. He worries about things and convinces himself I'm going to just change my mind or I'll tell him it's over randomly. It's only been this last month or so and I really want to help him. Or be able to give him an idea of how to help himself.
As much as I love that he loves me, I'm not that great (hence the name change username) so it can't be that I'm just so special! Has anyone been through similar? Did anything work?

I used to be him! I had counselling for my insecurities, and because I was sick of relationships going wrong. Until I did that, what really helped was my partner not getting dragged into my anxiety. Calm and consistent. Someone I could trust to be steady, even when I wobbled.

That said, I wouldn't have wanted to be my partner at that stage. It's a borderline parental role to have to play. If this guy is serious about, you, he really needs to talk to a professional to make himself ready to have a serious relationship, otherwise he'll just make a bunch of waves that neither of you want or need.

I have said to tell me when something starts it off, it's only been a few times but it's always been a small thing. I've read that I shouldn't pander to it exactly but be understanding and reassuring. I also know I can't fix it. I think he would speak to someone, he doesn't want this.

You could definitely frame it as thinking it 'would be good for us', rather than that 'he needs to sort himself out'. Even just that might make him feel more confident that your plans are long term with him.

Are you sure though? It's hard work. I remember being hard work!

I'm sure. I've been round the block believe me, he's worth it.
I've experienced similar feelings before myself so I get it to a point.
He's a diamond, he just needs to know that and believe it

Who said you are not great ?
You are great for him - so you are great !
Know your worth girl
It's so shit to be dragged into this vault of insecurity by that bitch called life
Relax , enjoy
You are great

Well Thankyou @66babe 🤗

I think just some TLC or a nice surprise to show him you care.

I like that idea. It's so unfair that someone so great is down on themselves. It's not all the time or anything but just a bit too much bless him