Mountains that should mole hills

[missminimum]

Not sure if you will be able to help but being able to vent, may help me feel better
DH and I have been married a long time.
It seems like everytime I express an opinion he hoped would be different or I disagree with him, he can't cope with this, becomes short tempered and choses to interperet this as me not loving him anymore. He has a big thing about things not being his fault and not wanting to be blamed for anything (even though I am not blaming him)
He will ask my opinion on something then get cross with me as it was not the one he wanted. A task turns out to me difficult than expected or something breaking, becomes a drama
When I am giving my opinion, I am not cross, just answering his question or pointing out what I feel may be an easier/preferable option. I get upset that he is cross and try to say can we not have an argument over this minor issue or could we talk later more calmly, but this does not work. He turns it into I don't like him, he can't do anything to please me, wants me to apologise for upsetting him etc. It is then followed by him being miserable for hours asking me if I still like him. He watches my facial expressions to try and feel reassured, but this just compounds things as I feel tense. I feel like I am dealing tantrums and it has lead me having less respect for him and it is impacting our marriage. He thinks in a marriage there should be no disagreement or arguments, but it feels he is creating arguments by lossing his temper. I don't see having different opinions is automatically an argument. I would like to find a way to both of us being able to air different opnions without getting cross - anyone have advice please?
Just to add, we never argue over big things we generally approach things like finances, parenting, emergencies in the same way, it is just really small everyday issues where I do not anticipate there would be an issue

How can you bear to be around him? He is manipulating you on a minute to minute basis.

Divorce him and have a normal life. Don't worry about the 'fall out'. You handle it with a cool and calm head and let him kick off if he wants to. Just hear it as white noise and don't engage. This is no dress rehearsal OP. Get out and have normal exchanges with normal people.

He needs to get counseling for himself regardless of whether you stay. He is perceiving everything as a threat and shaming. His logic is flawed here. You don't agree so you must think he is shit, that feels like an attack so he attacks you back, similarly to how a bully will make you eat your words. It's not him it's you, that makes him feel better. Except he still feels shit after he's attacked you so he comes crawling back for that reassurance and the cycle of abuse continues.

It is not your role to facilitate this behaviour, it's not your role to reassure him. Show him you're pissed off with it. Be angry at him. It's shit and unfair on you. If he is not willing to see this pattern in himself (and in my opinion a lot of people refuse because they feel entitled to hurt others and refuse to accept that they feel shame at all) then there is very little you can do and you should leave to protect yourself from his attacks. It's not up to you to censor yourself it is up to him to stop this behaviour. He wouldn't do it to anyone else in his life so he can control it but is choosing not to. You deserve the same 'good behaviour' as everyone else. You are not an emotional punch bag. You are there are to care and support, but not at the expense of your spiritual and emotional safety.