New man - no ideas

[Confusedmeagain]

So I’ve started seeing someone and been out a few times. Trying to plan our first evening date and he says he has no idea on what to suggest but does want to meet up. Feeling slightly fed up! Any thoughts - I don’t always want to have to suggest everything…

That sounds hard work. Surely dinner or drinks?

Well that was my thought !! I just asked if he had any thoughts on where to go….

He sounds a bit boring?

But yes, dinner, drinks, walk, activity?

I’d kind of assumed it would be drinks/dinner and was hoping for a suggestion of a venue! Not an I can’t be bothered to think of anything

Cinemas are open now…dinner? Bands are playing back in pubs now, cocktails, beer garden? Loads of stuff. He maybe a bit shy and doesn’t want to disappoint you so might be looking for you to book something. Don’t write him off just yet x

First date? You suggest, tell him to suggest the second, if there is one.

I just don’t quite know how to respond to this!!

@litterbird thanks but I’m not sure it’s shyness!!

It sounds like some wires are crossed and he thinks you’re expecting something “fun” and activity based rather than dinner or drinks. If you’d like to go for dinner then just say “dinner would be lovely - take me somewhere you really love” and let him go from there. Life really is too short for either of you to be playing guessing games and setting each other up to fail.

How about something less formal than a meal. Something like a walk and a drink afterwards. It's easier to chat when you're not facing each other.

@WhoppingBigBackside thanks. Yes could do but if might be a bit late for a walk !!

Keep suggesting what you prefer to do, in your town, get him travelling over to you then he may start suggesting if it's always on your terms, I would do drinks/dinner.

Meet somewhere scenic, walk round for a bit, have a bite to eat outside then pop into a pub for a drink or two, or have something smallish to eat and a drink or two.

A meal is ok, but a bit tricky if you are not getting on great or if one of you eats slowly and the other wolfs their food.

Something like ten pin bowling followed by a drink?

I'm trying to keep british pubs open.

If he really can’t think of anywhere to suggest for a first date, I’m afraid I’d be both incredulous and already bored. Would probably assume he’s one of those people who just say ‘I don’t mind’ to everything, while labouring under the delusion they’re being accommodating rather than maddeningly noncommittal.

Sod that for a game of soldiers. Next!

Don't you have any thoughts you could share on where to go either?

I had my first evening date with a guy last week and we went one of those indoor fun golf places and had drinks then went for food. It was all pretty casual so was fun.

I would decide this time and expect him to decide next time. If he's still faffing about what to do, throw him back. Being expected to make all the decisions and effort will piss you off.

If he can't be bothered to think of somewhere to eat/drink I couldn't be bothered with him!

You've already been out a few times you say? I think dinner/drinks sounds a bit samey if that's what you've done evry time previously? Surely you have spoken to each other enough now to have an idea of other things that you like (or something one if you likes, and can show the other...or a brand new activity for both of you to try together? Or just anything that you've seen happening in your area and are keen to check out...) It's not all down to him and if you've been for dinner a few times now and that's what you're expecting again I don't really blame him for drawing a bit of a blank in terms of restaurant suggestions. If you're not excited at the thought of seeing each other and things you'd like to do/experience with each other, then maybe you're just not that into each other...

Sorry just re-read and realised although it's not your first date, it is your first "evening" date. My bad. Guessing you haven't done dinner before then. If that's what you want, maybe say that and ask of he has any recommendations? Or suggest a place that you like and would like to show him.. and then suggest that he takes you to his favourite place next time? I wouldn't bin him off for not knowing straight away, he might be nervous of what level to go for...

I never gave in to this kind of laziness when dating. I said ‘ whatever you choose will be great’ rinse, repeat and then radio silence no reply if he was still refusing to plan it. Usually they suddenly came up with a plan.

‘Give it some thought and let me know’.

Yeah he can plan something