Is this odd behaviour?

[PotDogg]

I'm really confused by my boyfriends behaviour. We've been dating over a year, yet he hasn't/won't tell his exwife or introduce me to his kids/make plans to meet them. He's mentioned it at times but then it's never the 'right time'.

They are definitely divorced for several years. However she is quite needy of him. She is dating and has had boyfriends since they divorced a few years back.

This is the bit that I'm finding additionally odd though. Sometimes she will message him questions about the house or kids. If I'm with him he will show me the questions. If she phones he will sit with me and be hugging me whilst chatting to her. Obviously I'm expected to stay quiet as she doesn't know about me. He has said that she gets jealous and he doesnt want to upset her for the sake of the kids (teens).

All feels a bit odd to me. I dont know if he's trying to be reassuring to me by having conversations in front of me/showing texts, or whether this is all quite controlling behaviour?

It's really odd that he's hiding you from her.
His kids aren't young so it's not like it's to protect them and she's clearly moved on.

Have you asked him why he treats you like an affair partner?

Why would she get jealous or upset when someone she divorced has found himself a new girlfriend?

Very odd. Especially the not upsetting her for the sake of the teenagers.

Perhaps he gets some sort of kick about her being a bit needy still?

Aren't you tired of being third place to absolutely everything? Aren't you fed up with his ex wife's feelings being more important than yours? Are you really going to continue to put up with this shit? A stranger on the street will show you more consideration than this man does. I would be showing him the door.

@aerosocks yes I wondered that, whether he likes being 'needed' by her

@Aquamarine1029 yes I do feel fed up with this. I've told him I'm upset she doesn't know about me, as she's public about her boyfriend.

You've been together for over a year, op. This is bullshit.

I would be so tempted to say, "Do you want some wine?" while he's talking to his ex.

What are you planning to do about it?

He loves the drama triangle, dump him.

It's often a red flag when a new partner labels his ex as a "jealous" psycho. It's a tired old line which conveniently puts blame for a man's behaviour/commitment issues/secrecy (delete as appropriate) on his crazy ex.

Not sure what "questions about the house" means? Do they still jointly own the family home?

It all seems really off and I don't think he's being honest with you.

Has he shared any areas of his life with you? Introduced you to his family? Done things socially together with his friends, other couples he knows, or work colleagues? Those things often indicate how serious he might be and give you an understanding of who he is as a person.

Sorry but this does sound odd. So what if his ex gets jealous? She is his ex.

But still his main priority.

I'm not surprised you find that upsetting. I think you need to end this and find someone who deserves you and who is proud to be with you.

find someone who deserves you and who is proud to be with you

1000x this. Absolutely refuse to be anyone's dirty little secret. Raise your standards and dump him.

Wow what a coward.. i would be making myself known!

So she has a new partner, but he's not allowed one?!

Has he ever actually said to her "I have a new partner"? If so, what happened?

Sounds like he's still married.

I think I’m more forgiving than 80-90% of the people on MN

BUT - dating a year?

I would force the issue by saying that you want to be included in his life

Say you’d like to meet his family - parents, siblings etc

And his friends

And even if you don’t meet his wife soon, he should mention you in these texts he sends