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Original poster

Sick of it being about money

22 replies

NannyOggsward · 11/08/2021 17:35

First world problems and all that, sorry.

My family has money and it’s well known in the area. I have a good job, work hard, I pay for myself and my kids, I don’t use “family” money so I’m not actually wealthy personally. My house however is the one thing that gives the illusion of me being well off. I know I’m lucky.

Anyway, I’m single, someone local likes me, very flirty, makes me belly laugh, we really get on and we seem to click.

No less than 3 people (men) have all said to me in the past that I have to be careful as the only reason men may want me (as a single mum) is the house/money.

Now another friend (also male) has said the person I like is actually a wanker and everyone hates him, he thinks he’s only nice to me/flirty because he sees me as single with family money.

It’s making me so fucking wary and question when anyone likes me, I’ve been single for years and I want someone to spend time with. Now feel like I need to distance from this man as well in case they are right and he doesn’t like me for just me Sad

Not sure what I’m even asking but feeling so sad right now.

OP posts:
Purplewithred · 11/08/2021 17:41

Do you trust your own judgement in a relationship? Do you think your friend is right about this bloke you like, or is your friend just being a patronising know it all wary on your behalf?

How about trying a date, see how it goes? It's not like you're marrying at first sight.

Original poster
NannyOggsward · 11/08/2021 17:52

I didn’t used to, but now my boundaries are sky high to be honest, I’ve got no intention of introducing anyone to the kids for a long time and zero intention of getting married or sharing finances so they would be unlucky if that was the aim.

I don’t know about this guy, he’s given no indication that’s why, he just seems to fancy me and think I’m interesting. He likes that I’m sharp and challenging, he’s said that. I’m not bad looking and I think I’m nice (I would I guess!), it just gets so draining people telling me that’s all I will be wanted for.

I do know that the guy I like and the friend have had words in the past about some disagreement or another.

OP posts:
Funnylittlefloozie · 11/08/2021 18:06

So carry on seeing the man you like, but just be a bit canny about it. Does he get you to pay slightly more often than is fair? Does he plan dates and nice things to do? My advice is to take each day as it comes - enjoy spending time with him and don't let your heart rule your head. If you get through a few more months with him, and things are still good, thats great. If they turn bad, throw him back.

felulageller · 11/08/2021 18:08

Can you move somewhere else where no one new knows your history?

You can never trust anyone when you have money.

Elieza · 11/08/2021 18:13

If you want to make people think that you’re not as blessed as you are, if they ask about the house you are in, tell them it’s a relative that owns it. Not you, that you only get it at a discounted rental, otherwise you couldn’t afford to stay here, ha ha etc.

Perhaps that will help you work out whose after you for you and whose after your money?

Plumtree391 · 11/08/2021 18:23

NannyOggsward Wed 11-Aug-21 17:52:29
I didn’t used to, but now my boundaries are sky high to be honest, I’ve got no intention of introducing anyone to the kids for a long time and zero intention of getting married or sharing finances so they would be unlucky if that was the aim.
......
You are a very sensible woman, NannyOggsward.

Just enjoy the relationship as it is, it doesn't have to lead anywhere but you can still have some fun together.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/08/2021 18:32

You are clearly very sensible, so just continue seeing this man and keep a sharp eye for any red flags. If he speaks of a future together, just be crystal clear from the start. You will not be getting married and you will never share finances. If he's after your money that will send him packing quickly.

Original poster
NannyOggsward · 11/08/2021 18:34

We’ve not really dated, just know each other from out and about and started gravitating, have kissed. He always pays for drinks when I’m there and organises lifts/makes sure I’m walked home etc. So no nothing from me so far.

I’ll just play it out and be wary, just an uncomfortable feeling thinking of being intimate with someone / allowing feelings with a fear that they may not actually want you if that makes sense?

I really can’t move away.

OP posts:
Original poster
NannyOggsward · 11/08/2021 18:35

That’s true @Aquamarine1029 if I’m that clear at the beginning with things!

OP posts:
AnneElliott · 11/08/2021 19:34

I agree you should have fun and see where it goes. Mention about not marrying or sharing finances if he mentions the future - if he's after the money then he'll probably scarier after that. Hopefully he's not being deciteful and actually likes you.

girlmom21 · 11/08/2021 19:39

Oh god just enjoy yourself and ignore other people. You've said yourself you're not wealthy. If he starts hinting that's what he's interested in you can cut him off but I wouldn't do that yet if you genuinely like him.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 11/08/2021 20:55

Agree with the others have a good time dating whoever you want to date.

Marriage is more of a business arrangement that anything - many people only marry their financial equal.

I guess this is one of the reasons that footballers like Rooney and Beckham marry their childhood sweethearts. Because they know that these women loved them before they were rich.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 11/08/2021 20:58

Tell him you wrote a cheque and gave all your wealth to a local convent and you hope he respects you more for it..

Wherearemymarbles · 11/08/2021 21:29

Sadly having money and people knowing about it makes you a target so no, you cant trust anyone who who knows your back ground

Friends widowed father was targeted by a scuzzy gold digger. All was sweetness and light until he told her the house belonged to the kids as did most of the money.

She had packed her bags within the week.
So as PP says be clear marriage will never be on the cards and if he asks the answer is no and that the house is owned in trust for the kids.

Guiltypleasures001 · 11/08/2021 23:19

The only thing I can pick up from what he's said about you op is he thinks your
Challenging ?

That gives me pause for thought

Original poster
NannyOggsward · 12/08/2021 00:51

Why @Guiltypleasures001?

OP posts:
Sampafie · 12/08/2021 06:19

I mean you ll know his true intentions once he gets to know you and sees you arent "as wealthy" as it appears on the outside, as long as you dont put him on the title to your house or get financially tied up with him too soon, i dont see what could be a problem.

bigbaggyeyes · 12/08/2021 06:46

Your boundaries seem fine, if you make it clear once you start dating him that marriage is off the cards, any inheritance is going to grand children and you don't have access to family money you'll soon find out if he's interested in you or the money

Guiltypleasures001 · 12/08/2021 09:31

Some controlling men like a confident secure woman
Means they want to try and take that away from them

It's a challenge to destroy them

I'm probably way off the Mark
But it stood out for me Smile

RantyAunty · 12/08/2021 09:39

If he's from around there why not just ask around about him from others?

It's fairly easy to find out everything about someone these days. Where he works, debt, gambling, drinking, womanising, other bad habits.

Bananalanacake · 12/08/2021 11:34

If you like him go for it. Make it clear there will be no living together for a long time, if at all. If he's a cocklodger he will give up.

BelendaCarlisle · 12/08/2021 11:40

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

Agree with the others have a good time dating whoever you want to date.

Marriage is more of a business arrangement that anything - many people only marry their financial equal.

I guess this is one of the reasons that footballers like Rooney and Beckham marry their childhood sweethearts. Because they know that these women loved them before they were rich.

I’m fairly certain that David Beckham’s wife could have supported herself from her own earnings.
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