Is this normal?

[Nc4post99]

Long back story condensed: abusive mother and brother (relevant in terms of no family support)and just lost my non abusive father (in an absolutely horrific and traumatising way, even said by the ITU consultants), 3 weeks ago. 6 months pregnant.

I can’t accept what happened, I’m in pure avoidance but I don’t know how to not be. Was promised counselling by ITU but never happened. Can’t really afford private counselling. On nhs lost for mat counselling but they’ve cancelled about 5/6 appointments in a row now. I’m not sleeping well, takes me hours to fall asleep and I’m up 5/6 times a night and then waking at 5am. Back at work and I just don’t care- it is just the last place in the world I want to be (metaphorically as I’m wfh) it all seems so futile and trivial. My mind isn’t clear and there is an expectation that soon I can just get on with it, but I’m stuck and don’t know how to be unstuck. I hate talking to people now, in fact the thought of talking to people fills me with dread and makes me anxious (I even had a panic attack).

Is this normal? I’ve lost relatives before (grand parents) and whilst yes I grieved and it was horrible, this time I feel different. Is this normal? I don’t even know.

If you only lost your father 3 weeks ago this is perfectly normal. Have you contacted ITU again about the counselling?

I’ve contacted them twice about it and they say someone will be in touch but tbh I really doubt it.

Even the not caring about work? I’m just in a fog and feel so slow. I have an office job so no ones life is on the line or anything it’s just the apathy

Perfectly normal OP. Work etc. IS trivial by comparison, of course you are feeling this way after only 3 weeks. It can take longer than that for it to even seem real or permanent, nevermind to begin healing. Plus with the trials and hormone madness of pregnancy at such a difficult time… You can only go at your own pace and take as much time and kindness as possible for yourself. Sending lots of love OP x

I just don’t know how people go to work, half of my mind has gone and the other half is just elsewhere. My work place is pretty generous with compassionate leave and I’ve used it all (and some). Might sound melodramatic but I’m 1/4 of myself at the best of times made worse by being so bloody tired 😴

So sorry for late reply OP.
Your company sound great but even so, there is no hard and fast law that you fit the mood. You may have used your leave but you know what, if you speak honestly to your GP you will not only get a referral for counselling- I hear you re. the ITC but this will support your need and get you heard but you are WELL within both ‘the norm’ and your rights to request and be given a sick note for extended leave until you are in a better place.
It is both normal and common. I feel for you so much darling, I’m not over losing my Dad in 2016, we are all human and all emotional creatures by design. To go back now is not good for your career; colleagues; company or soul if you feel this way.
Sometimes just knowing you are not abnormal or a burden is enough. You may leave the apt and tear up the sick note but go along.
If all else fails; what would your Dad say? Take that advice above all else. Ask the question in a quiet and peaceful space alone and that voice in your head? Go with it.
Above all be kind to yourself. I wish you all the very best x

*Fit the mould, sorry!