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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship with a housemate

5 replies

shg23 · 11/08/2021 12:22

Ive been friends with a guy at uni for 3 years and during that time we’ve both been in other relationships. We’re living together next year and lived together in second year too. Since March things between us have been kind of weird and there’s been a lot of flirting but to be honest I didn’t think much would come of it. We’ve both been abroad all year so haven’t seen each other since last June.
We decided that we needed to talk in person so he came up to visit me. We chatted about stuff and he admitted that he liked me and wanted to see how things went. I told him I wanted to take things slow for the sake of everyone else in house and also just because moving from best friends to a relationship is quite a bit thing.
I do like him but when he visited I found that he took things a bit fast and kissed me straight away. I didn’t mind that but he then started to act very coupley straight away and being very touchy feely. He also said that we were going to share beds in our house all the time, which to me seems a bit intense when we aren’t even together.
Does anyone how any advice on what I should do in this situation? I do really like him but I don’t want to move fast, especially because we’re living together.

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 11/08/2021 12:37

Nip it in the bud right now.

What you're seeing are RED FLAGS. Big, fat ones.

He's not listening to you and he's trying to stamp ownership on you.

Tell him you've changed your mind and just want to be mates.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 11/08/2021 12:48

What FortunesFave wrote.

Do not ignore and or minimise these red flags here. Ask your own self why you like him at all because he is trampling all over any and all of your boundaries.

I would also suggest you read "Why does he do that?" written by Lundy Bancroft.

Dozer · 11/08/2021 12:51

Would change your plans as regards housing asap to avoid living with him.

As PPs say, his behaviour raises some red flags.

Even if he’s lovely, not a good plan to share housing with someone you’re dating or would like to date.

Dozer · 11/08/2021 12:52

Ask him, if he’s into you and wants to date you, to arrange to live elsewhere in the coming year.

If he refuses, would arrange something different for yourself!

UnGoogled · 11/08/2021 13:05

This is not a good situation, op.

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