Could you get into a relationship with someone you are not attracted to.

[Ceriane]

I know for a fact I couldn't. I have been on 3 dates with someone who is a lovely guy, but I know that I don't feel attracted to him, at all, so have said we are just friends.

I had a friend who has said I am shallow, because of this. I'm not at all, but the thought of sleeping with someone I'm not attracted to is something I just couldn't do. Attraction to me is what it is, nothing to do with looks, it's a feeling you can't explain. I just feel extremely hurt to be called shallow just because I can't force myself that way. I've had another person say "you could do a lot worse" but I don't want to be with someone because I could do a lot worse, I want someone I actually really genuinely like and want to be with.

I don't know what it is with the people I know that seem to want to pile the pressure on with me when it comes to dating. I'm open to a relationship if someone I really liked came along, but am otherwise fine on my own until then. I'm late 30's and not bothered either way about kids, and I just don't have the anybody is better than nobody mindset. Am I really shallow for not being attracted to someone? This really bothers me.

And agreed that it's depressing and unnecessary not to have had it even if it doesnt last.

Don't let people who settle and who have low standards tell you it's shallow to want to be attracted to someone you're getting into a sexual relationship with.

It's nonsensical.

Also I'd respectfully suggest that person is not a v good friend.

I also must add. I had some pretty dreadful dates where I didn't even want them as friends and I was glad to see the back of them😂!
I know my story with my partner isn't a norm. I think the pressure of dating made our real personality's come out and we got on really well.

The commend on 'you could do worse' is a pretty shitty comment. You just don't click with some people and that is that, no matter how nice they are, no matter how attractive they are.

All my previous relationships were like this really (apart from the odd fling where I did really fancy the fella but it was doomed to failure).

It’s only now in my 40s I finally know what it is to be in an LTR with someone I desire with every fibre of my being. I wouldn’t go back. It’s worth holding out for. That feeling when your heart lurches (in a good way) every time you come into a room and they are there - even after over a year together. Indeed I’m hopeful it will last forever. (We are now engaged….)

Thank You so much. I’m just so glad other people are on my side about this as with some of the people I know I was starting to think I was going mad. I do agree that attraction can develop over time and would always give things a chance, but if it doesn’t it doesn’t and that doesn’t make me shallow, best to just be friends rather than force anything and continue on my search for someone I do want to be with!