Cards for sister's ex. WWYD?

[MydogWillow]

OK, sister's relationship with her DP has ended after 4 years. Really nice guy but didn't work out. He has entertained the whole family on a few occasions and we've sent a birthday card/joint Christmas cards previously.

His birthday is coming up. Do I send a card as usual with a "sorry to hear about your breakup" or similar? Or leave it so as not to upset sister?

My DHs exes entire family make a big song and dance about his birthday every year, and have done since they split 5 years ago. It's just the way they are.

DH and his ex split on good terms. They do have a son together, but her family would have made the same fuss every year regardless.

I'm in the camp of sending the card but not mentioning the split if its the sort of thing you'd do anyway.

I have a lovely ex son in law. We still exchange cards for birthdays and Christmas. My daughter is happy about it because she knows we always liked him, and doesn't see why that should change just because their marriage ended.

Dont do it.my family do this. It makes me very uncomfortable and with them is just another but of them not having any understanding of the word loyalty.

I know it makes my ex h very uncomfortable. We have laughed about how wierd it is. Luckily he understands they are odd.

They did it years ago to a abusive man I had been with. He bloody loved that

My sister did this - then told me about it two weeks later because "he called to say thank you for the card and we had a chat".

I didn't speak to her for two years. We ended up having to attend mediation to sort it out (me and my sister). Our relationship though improved will never be the same again. I felt like she had totally betrayed me and my children. Where was her loyalty? I just wouldn't do it.

I think it’s weird and might well give the wrong impression.

@66babe

What's the big deal? Send a birthday card saying something like " hope you are ok " Doesn't sound like an acrimonious split and you like him as a person regardless It's a card ... it just shows that you are not taking on the mentality of ... the relationship ended so of course we all hate you now !

I'd just drop it in passing to sis too ... don't keep it a secret
" have you spoke to xxxx , isn't it his birthday this week , I did drop him a card but we've not spoke "

This feels just right, thankyou.

Unless there's abuse or major issues, other people's relationships are none of our business. I don't know the ins and outs of the breakup but the ex has always been friendly, kind and decent to us personally. We thought it was a done deal.

I shall speak to my sister. They may even be in the process of working it out...Who knows?

Having been on the receiving end of a card with a note in on my birthday post split, I'd just leave it
It annoyed me that this person potentially chose to spoil my birthday.
Move on and let them