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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband calling me names infront of people

31 replies

Paperbear · 10/08/2021 13:48

My husband and I are complete opposites as in I'm introverted, he is an extrovert.

I really really liked when I met him how different we were. I thought we complimented each other but over the years these differences are now are not complimenting each other and instead we are clashing and I'm starting to get nervous about going out with him as he is now starting to swear about me and in public.

I feel embarrassed or nervous because anything slightly not to his satisfaction will turn into him swearing in a loud voice. We have 2 kids together and we adore our children but I am not enjoying our marriage.

I've confronted him about not shouting in public but he keeps saying he doesn't have a filter and he cannot help it.

Has anyone else experienced anything similar?

OP posts:
TheFoundations · 10/08/2021 13:50

I've confronted him about not shouting in public but he keeps saying he doesn't have a filter and he cannot help it

Does he swear loudly about people at work in front of them? Friends? Members of his family? Your kids?

RedMarauder · 10/08/2021 13:50

Does he realise people think badly of him?

TheFoundations · 10/08/2021 13:51

You're really saying 'My partner says he has absolutely no choice but to insult me in public.'

Do you really think this is a thing?

He can't excuse himself by saying he doesn't have a filter. Him not having a filter is a large part of the problem.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 10/08/2021 13:53

he keeps saying he doesn't have a filter and he cannot help it.

So he's claiming its a medical problem? So he's seen the GP and been referred to a socialist with suspected Tourettes? Yeah I didn't think so 🙄

What do you think would happen if the next time he swears at you in public, you shouted "What the fuck did you say to me cuntychops?"

girlmom21 · 10/08/2021 13:53

Does he genuinely say he can't help himself but abuse you in public?

Does he abuse his colleagues at work?

Original poster
Paperbear · 10/08/2021 13:53

He doesn't care

OP posts:
user16395699 · 10/08/2021 13:53

That's abuse. It's not ok and you shouldn't have to try and find a way to put up with it.

If he was a good dad, he wouldn't be modelling that to his children as acceptable behaviour either.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 10/08/2021 13:53

Socialist: specialist! 🤣

user16395699 · 10/08/2021 13:54

@Paperbear

He doesn't care
Then you need to speak to a solicitor about divorce and seek support to leave him.

There is no amount of abuse that is acceptable in a relationship.

Original poster
Paperbear · 10/08/2021 13:55

He has tried to tell me he has a type of tourettes syndrome but no he has never been to the doctor.

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 10/08/2021 13:55

That's not because he's extroverted. It's because he's an abusive piece of shit, a disgrace of a husband, and an appalling father.

MrsBertBibby · 10/08/2021 13:56

Tourettes my arse.

DancesWithTortoises · 10/08/2021 13:57

Leave him, OP. He brings nothing but misery.

girlmom21 · 10/08/2021 13:58

If he had Tourette's he wouldn't have suddenly started abusing you, and only you.

It's not a selective issue like that...

Sakurami · 10/08/2021 13:58

He's not an extrovert, he's an abusive bully. I'm an extrovert. I have never felt the need to abuse people out loud in public.

MadamBatty · 10/08/2021 13:59

Does he have this Tourette’s with his work mates, his family, people serving him or is it selective?

You say he doesn’t care…we’ll then there is no relationship only abuse.

Do you want to be abused?

There’s no magic words that you can say to make him care.

MadamBatty · 10/08/2021 13:59

He sounds a horrible cruel mean small minded man.

MrsSquirrel · 10/08/2021 14:00

@Paperbear

He doesn't care
Why stay with someone who doesn't care about how you feel?

As above, the only amount of abuse that is acceptable in a relationship is none.

candycane222 · 10/08/2021 14:01

Fuck. That.

If he really couldn't help himself, his doctor would need to explain to his employer, people in shops, etc, why he swears all the time.

He has Nasty Bastard Syndrome, which sadly is usually untreatable. You have Lumbered With A Vile Husband Syndrome, for which, luckily, there is a great deal of help available. At the solicitors office.

PearlFriday · 10/08/2021 14:03

I bet he doesnt do this to his boss, his great aunt, the neignours, the vicar! Just with you he has no filter??

TerraNovaTwo · 10/08/2021 14:04

He's an emotionally abusive prick. To save your DC and yourself from further long term trauma and dysfunction, I'd seek legal advice and leave as safely and quietly as possible.

I'm pretty sure this is not the only way your H is abusive toward you. Domestic abuse is insidious and operates on a continuum.

SS would be VERY concerned to know that you are not protecting your DC from emotional harm - it always escalates to physical in some shape or form. Regardless if the abuse is underhanded and only aimed at you, it will affect your DC now and in the long term. You have a duty to protect your DC from this brute of a man.

caringcarer · 10/08/2021 14:06

He sounds horrible. He must be aware he is humiliating you and by not stopping sounds like he enjoys you being humiliated. I would be be packing my bags and not tolerating it. Set your bar higher.

loopylu26 · 10/08/2021 14:06

My ex husband referred to me as his "First Wife" to everyone. He thought it was funny. It actually reflected badly on him and embarrassed me. Ironically it became true. Now I'm with someone kind and respectful I can see what an overconfident loudmouth bully he was.

WhatsAppening · 10/08/2021 14:09

I would be willing to bet he’s abusive in other ways you haven’t quite clocked.

Does he block you in doorways? ‘Accidentally’ barge or shove? Poke you, flick you, tug your hair?

This is how it started with my abuser, and ended with him punching me square in the face. I didn’t hang about to see it escalate further.

TerraNovaTwo · 10/08/2021 14:09

Are you not worth more than this OP, do you not value yourself, your and your DC well-being, now or for your future ?

Where are lioness instincts to protect your DC from this vile, dysfunctional man?

Where are your boundaries marked out to create or maintain a healthy and happy for this one and only life you have been given?

This may sound harsh, but one day you will be healed and look back with astonishment at this.