I'm stuck and don't know what to do feeling trapped

[Kab223]

Been in my relationship 5 years. We now have a 9 month old ds. He speaks to his mum about everything .... literally. Including minute detail of our arguments... each and every one. Biggest one we had was he was chatting sending and receiving nude pictures from girls he was meeting online. His mom said this was because he is lonely and I have no friends. This will always stay with me I will never forgive her throwing the blame back at me for this after he had just betrayed me. The Complex issue is we share a son. I received no mothers day gift from him knowing how many years I had been longing to have this child. We bought a beautiful house together, we have a son for God's sake, he has never proposed to me knowing how I long to be married someday. Don't know why i say this as i wouldn't want to be married to him. He refused to drive me to my surprise baby shower because he wasn't to attend it was ladies only. I took a train heavily pregnant at the height of the pandemic to my surprise baby shower. My family believes he does not love me. My friends said he didn't come across as a nice person on first meeting. I feel my friends are now alienated. Why am I with him? I'm in my forties and longed for a child and was naive. I believed I could turn things around and we'd build a loving life together. Now I'm sad because my son will have to have parents who are not together. I want my love story i want a man who will love me openly and want to marry me and who is my best friend and never physically threatens me. He's never shared a picture of me with baby on his social networks, yet he has them of his mom or himself with baby. My partner criticised everything about me in the past. Saw only the negative aspects in me. Never said anything positive about me. Leaving him will be hard. He loves our son and would demand equal paternity. Id still have to live with him through the house selling process. These things can take a very long time. He's emotionally aggressive and confrontational so this would be a very hard time indeed. Hes thrown a wet nappy at me which landed on babys head because I said I'm his mom your mother isn't when he suggested his mom rocks him to sleep why don't i do the same instead of breastfeeding him to sleep. This really left me fuming. I feel trapped and I'm not sure ill ever have the energy or strength to leave him. I believe he has a borderline narcissist personality.

I have to be honest OP and agree he doesn't sound great. His Mother sounds even worse! The apple certainly didn't fall far from the tree there at all.
I can understand you reaching your 40's and wanting a loving relationship, and a family, I don't think you're going to find this with him.
It's nothing to do with his Mother how you nurse/ settle your child.
Your business should be that yours... He's no place discussing it with her.

I'd have a long hard think about what you want in life. Yes, your child may not have two parents living together, but you could fill your life with your friend and have a much better quality of life. It sounds a bit grim at the moment. I wouldn't want to look back in regret if I were in your situation. I think sticking with him, you'll experience a lot of regrets. The only wonderful thing you've gained so far is your precious child, as he grows, he'll pick up on the atmosphere and tension, and that's not fair on him.

I hope you manage to find away around this situation, one that benefits you and your child, and makes you happy. All the best.

He threw something at you and it hit the baby?
So he has assaulted the baby?

I think you need to speak to Women's Aid.

I mean it kindly, but you knew well what he was like but you wanted a baby and just went ahead.

You know well he doesn't care for you.

This is an awful environment for a child to grow up in.

Can family or friends help you?

Can you live elsewhere while you sell the house?
You feel unsafe because of his behaviour and treatment of you.
He has thrown a wet nappy and hit your baby with it.
Talk to your GP.
Tell your GP about him throwing something at you and it hitting the baby.
You need to log this incident and any other behaviour with your GP.

He is not a good man.
Get organised and get out.

You've been sleepwalking through your own life. You've always known this relationship is bad, and you've always known he's an abusive twat. You now need to do what's best for your child, and staying with him isn't it.

5 years with someone who is this horrible to you sounds completely exhausting, no wonder you’re tired. There’s is nothing worth saving in this relationship. Leave him, take your son and make a new life. Your energy will come back once you leave him.

LTB

You know that you and your baby deserve better.
Co-parenting with him may not be the easy option but it's better than living a half life with a man-child.

We used to be forced to stay in a bad relationship, it times have changed and now it is possible to walk away.
Have faith in yourself, your stronger than you think.

Nothing about that sounds good, I'm afraid.

The trouble with having dreams about "the perfect relationship" is that it can be tempting to join up the dots to find it even when it's not there.

Good luck extricating yourself from what sounds like a loveless and rather toxic relationship.