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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Trying to work things out with ex

24 replies

SaharaFlower · 09/08/2021 19:45

I have to stay with my ex and I still feel for him. He broke my trust and I don't know what to do. We have talked about things today; he won't be responsible for what he's done. He wants me to accept that he was wrong and stop trying to push him for more.

I told him about the pregnancy and that I've decided that I can do that on my own. It is fair that he's not responsible for that, as it was a different dad. He wants an abortion, says it's ridiculous that I expeect him to raise children that aren't his. But my son isn't his child anyway.

He told me that he is ready to commit and try again, but not without his terms. I told him that I am happy to be alone, as he won't listen to me. I can do this on my own; my children are more important.

I acknowledge that this was unlikely to work and that there's too much drama with men.

Sorry that this is very boring. I needed to vent.

OP posts:
category12 · 09/08/2021 19:50

I'm confused - why do you have to stay with your ex?

ComtesseDeSpair · 09/08/2021 19:52

You don’t “have to” stay with him, and you shouldn’t. This relationship is never going to work out. Do yourselves both a favour and separate - if you have no shared children and aren’t married then you don’t have to remain in any kind of contact.

SaharaFlower · 09/08/2021 19:53

Right now, there is nowhere else. Not in a good financial situation. He offered for my children and I to stay.

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SaharaFlower · 09/08/2021 19:55

We do have a little daughter.

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category12 · 09/08/2021 19:58

Present to the council as homeless?

SaharaFlower · 09/08/2021 20:02

I don't have an entitlement to that, or benefits. Hopefully, I will be in a better situation in the future.

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SaharaFlower · 09/08/2021 20:06

There isn't any danger, but our communication is often really difficult. He is a lot older than me and will think that he knows everything.

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AndTime · 09/08/2021 20:07

This sounds like a nightmare situation, you two won't work as a couple.

You are pregnant with someone else's babies (twins?) but he broke your trust? Sounds confusing.

SaharaFlower · 09/08/2021 20:10

I became pregnant after we broke up, to another man. Who is a waste of time. I missed him, but I

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SaharaFlower · 09/08/2021 20:12

But when we talk, I don't know why I thought that. He can act like my dad and it is really annoying. Ranting, sorry for that.

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SaharaFlower · 09/08/2021 20:17

He broke my trust by walking away, almost ghosting for a few weeks. Now, he is telling me that he was wrong, therefore, I should stop pushing him. He tells me that he's there for me now. Hmm

Our relationship was ok, nothing to say about that. Lots of things happened and started with my mum. He was nice, supportive, perhaps paternal.

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Lolabray · 09/08/2021 20:19

You can get a council house and move on your own. Perhaps you are afraid of bringing a baby into this world alone. I know it sounds frightening. No one apart from you should dictate if you stay with him or not.

Allthelights · 09/08/2021 20:19

Whose baby is it?

SaharaFlower · 09/08/2021 20:24

Pressed too soon:

He made me feel that there was somebody after my mum died. We were able to talk then.

I am not from this country and don't have entitlement to housing. Hopefully, the situation will be better in the future.

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SaharaFlower · 09/08/2021 20:26

My daughter is ours and the pregnancy is to another man. Someone who was my friend and definitely not now.

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herewegoagain202106 · 09/08/2021 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

herewegoagain202106 · 09/08/2021 20:31

Posted too soon . OP if you don't have recourse to public funds go to the council, social services have the duty to house you because of the kids under section 17 .

SaharaFlower · 09/08/2021 20:40

Is it ok to message you privately?

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herewegoagain202106 · 09/08/2021 20:46

@SaharaFlower

Is it ok to message you privately?
If that's for me then sure . Feel free to Smile
Lolabray · 09/08/2021 21:01

Having read your situation maybe he is confused and loves you but doesn’t know if he can raise another mans child, all due respect it is a lot to ask but he has come back and said he wants a relationship on his terms. It sounds confusing to me but do what you feel best and to make you happy x

HalzTangz · 09/08/2021 21:18

@SaharaFlower

Pressed too soon:

He made me feel that there was somebody after my mum died. We were able to talk then.

I am not from this country and don't have entitlement to housing. Hopefully, the situation will be better in the future.

You will have entitled as you have children. Go to the council and tell them you are homeless
SaharaFlower · 09/08/2021 22:55

@Lolabray: That he's confused seems like any man that is in my life. He says he's thinking about that now and he may agree if the dad (in Sweden) doesn't interfere with them. Today, bought my children clothes, coming back from the shops with them. It is confusing.

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pog100 · 10/08/2021 09:22

The whole relationship is confusing. You have two children and one pregnancy to three different men. The man you live with is much older and is father to the middle one? You are keeping the baby but he's not happy about raising it? I'm not surprised you feel in a mess to be honest. If you are definitely keeping the baby you really need to sort out your living arrangements for the next year, disregarding all the ins and outs of the relationships. What would be your ideal and how are you going to achieve it?

SaharaFlower · 13/08/2021 00:28

@pog100 : Yes, my son is 14 and my daughter is a baby. Her dad is who the post was regarding to. I'm not aborting them; don't even know why I considered it, another abortion would make me feel so guilty.

My ideal isn't reality. But my daughter's dad and I worked things out. Hopefully he will be a dad who isn't biological. The dad to the pregnancy blocked me anyway; he doesn't care for us. I told him that I will choose my children over any man, therefore, I won't agree to his terms. He can cut the annoying dad vibes shit. He is good to my son, they have a rapport. No human is perfect.

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