Unrequited Love

[Chipswithgravy33]

Long story short is I was deeply in love with a man who didn't love me back, yet kept me hanging on for various benefits.

I am so miserable, I think about him all the time, I have dreams every night about him and I wake up in a panic and crying.

I still cry everyday and I haven't seen him since 2020.

I've been NC for months now and will never see him again - he lives on in my head though.

I'm on anti depressants.

I've always been an introvert and lonely, this was the first man I truly opened up to and I naively trusted him.

Tried OLD but I just can't believe anyone as I must be an awful judge of character.

I can't see it stopping 😓

You don't loe him or miss him. You love and miss who you think he was.

Keep yourself busy. Go places on your own or with friends.

Listen to loud music and dance like no one's watching.

Make new memories..

I know I miss who he pretended to be...I know that yet I really really believed it. I stood by him through lots of issues then I just got dropped like I meant nothing.

Maybe some of it is realising what an idiot I was.

I genuinely have such strong feelings for him though after everything. I don't want these feelings, I can't seem to help it.

The urge to get in touch isn't there as I don't want to be rejected again.

I just want to move on and I seem stuck.

What were these issues you stood by him through? Have you looked up trauma bonding? Because what you’re describing sounds less like love and more like anxiety.

I'm in the same boat @Chipswithgravy33.
It's getting easier as time goes by but it is still there.

What would help me would be if I had different memories, newer ones, that didn't feature him.

A holiday is often a good answer, that or exercise.

I've been there, I know exactly how it feels. I refused to date or show any interest in any other man. I was in limbo.... stuck... couldn't move on. I didn't want to move on, even though he had treated me like shit.

Then recently, after 2.5 years of this, I finally started to pick myself up and look forward to the future. Guess what? He reappeared. Told me he'd changed and wanted to be in a relationship with me. Said he'd had counselling, was helping himself. Etc. This was everything I'd been wishing for, dreaming of. It was like a fairy tale. He then proceeded to act like we were in a relationship. We got on so well and couldn't have been any closer. I've never laughed so much. We spent 4 days a week together, all at his request. It was completely different from last time. Then, in the blink of an eye, without any warning whatsoever, he dumped me using exactly the same reasons as before. "You feel more for me.... you deserve better." The same old repetitive shit. Then, surprisingly , he got back with his ex.

After a few weeks of feeling awful, I started having some counselling sessions. What a difference they've made. It's only been 3 months since he ripped my heart out, again but now I'm ready to date again already.

I don't regret having him back because I needed closure and had many questions that needed answering. Men like this very rarely change. I was stuck in a rut, clinging to a fantasy of him. He was emotionally abusive which made it difficult to see what a vile specimen he actually is. If I could give you one word of advice, it would be to work on you. You need to see your worth. You deserve someone who loves you wholeheartedly but in order for that to happen you need to love yourself first. I know how hard it is right now, I really do but please don't waste any more time pining for a fantasy. I have wasted 3 years doing this.

Me too, 3 years and counting, not over it yet. I suspect I'll be over it when I find someone who can make me feel equally amazing or better - same highs but without the lows. Only after 3 years do I feel ready to even think about someone else. I should have had counselling, maybe that would have sped things up as a pp said. Totally agree with advice from @KirstenBlest, all of that helps. Travel, new memories, exercise, also redo your hair or makeup or clothes, lose weight if you always wanted to, design a new you. Sometimes I wonder if I miss being in love more than I miss being with him.