Hi I need your insigfull advice and help please. Long time lurker have changed username.
Left a 15 year marriage 3 years ago. I felt unloved, uncared for and taken for granted. Loveless sexless marriage. 2 dc. Amicable co parenting. I wft and financially independent.
Met a man over a year ago- and started dating 6-7 months ago. We got to know each other through texting and saw each other a few times a week face to face for a common hobby, it became intense and beautifull and we seemed similar. Passionate, loving and thoughtful.
He is divorced with dc single for 3 years. We took the physical side slow but it was intense. When we had sex he was giving, generous and amazing. Told me he loved me after 3 months. Good morning texts and good contact during the day. I told him I loved those texts and made me feel amazing. I did not need much contact but quality contact is important to me.
The time we had together was limited due to dc schedules but we made it work and looked forward to being together. After 4 months he started to pull off, less effort in meeting, cancelled a couple of times last minute and no plans made for next dates. Stopped saying he loved me ( I had said I was falling in love with him ) when I asked him if he loved me he told me he did. Would suggest meeting on a day and last minute he would say sorry change of plans he now had his dc.
We used to be all over each other and that dried out too - I would try to start sex and he would not show enthusiasm. We went away for 4 nights and had sex once - I tried it every day but he said we had plenty of time over the 4 days.
Would take hours to read or respond to a text and the connection was diminishing. I started to get anxious, unhappy and upset. I wanted to go back to how it was at the beginning.
Last week I did not hear from him for 4 days ( I did not text him either) as I was anxious about him going back to the pattern of taking ages to read and not respond etc.
I texted to tell him last week that as I had not heard from him for 4 days I was moving on but would have appreciated him to call/talk to me and do the decent thing. He responded quickly to tell me he had thought the same and had not heard from me for a few days and asked if I was enjoying the weekend away with my dc. I have not responded - I dont know what to say!
Why am I feeling so upset - is it my pride, the promising the earth and delivering less, the potential red flags I did not listen early on about the intensity of his feelings? The breadcrumbing and control of not giving me sex as much as before or controlling when to meet and cancelling?
Should I speak with him, put cards on the table and have a good chat? Or move on?
Not to drip feed - he told me early that although undiagnosed he believed he had autism. He has some diagnosed family members with same characteristics. Apologies if this is not relevant - I thought to include it. Tell me to get a grip. What do I do next? Thank you 🙏