Me and my DH have been married 4 years and been together 9. We have a DD who is 16 months old.
The first year of her life was ok, however we did have some ups and downs. Mostly because of the imbalance of parenting. I was on maternity leave and he was working full time so although it felt very one sided I could justify it to some extent, as I was off and he wasn’t. I would do all night wake ups, feeds, early mornings etc.
Recently I started working more and I’m working full time at the minute, however I’ll probably go back down to 3 days a week soon. My husband still doesn’t wake up in the night and is struggling with early mornings. We’ve agreed I’m happy to do the overnight if he does the early morning (daughter wakes at 5am, we tried everything).
What makes me frustrated and annoyed is that I’m killing myself trying to cope with a full time job and barely sleeping at night so he can have a full nights sleep. However, he still goes to bed at midnight because he absolutely needs his me time. He plays/watches movies every single night.
I work some evenings as well because I earn more than him and I really want to buy our own house. He’s still in the same job he had as when he graduated for the same salary (he’s been there for 5 years). I suggested looking for another job that earns more etc but he’s just not interested/determined and keeps hoping they’ll give him a promotion.
We both work from home but in separate rooms due to calls etc. I just feel like we’re basically room mates.
He does help with DD, always cooks dinner and cleans every evening when I work.
I just overall don’t feel like he’s looking out for me at all. I struggle asking for help (he knows this), so I just wish he’d offer to do things like waking overnight every now and then before I’m literally at breaking point.
Am I asking too much? I don’t feel like we’re a team really. I think the sleep situation is really difficult and we’re both struggling and I don’t know what the answer is.
He also never offers to do anything at the weekend. Like we just stay in weekend after weekend until I’m going out of my mind and just say we have to do something then he reluctantly follows along. I keep saying we need to go out with DD and he says yeah sure but then never does anything about it.
I feel like between working 12-14h a day, doing the night shifts etc I have no time to breathe, let alone relax, think about the weekend etc. He gets 4h+ of free time every single night.