Told partner it’s pretty much over, what now?

[Joanne2015]

I told my partner I wanted more from life and the relationship than he can give abs I’ve been unhappy for a while. Now what? I have no idea where to go from here. This morning he said well we need to sell the house.. ( I don’t want to do that but haven’t got funds to buy him out) He also so said that he can’t wake up in a house without his kids and won’t do that, I don’t know where to go from here! How do you separate? My kids home here, neither of us can afford a decent place to live if we sell up. Anyone got advice? We are mortgage free, my family paid our mortgage off 4 years ago for us. When separating will that be taken into account?

I've no advice but I'm following this. In a similar situation last month I told dh I wanted to separate and have been dealing with fall out ever since. Such turmoil going on ..we have mortgage so we can't really afford another place to live. But living together is torture. We are going down mediation route firstly ... could be worth a try

I am not sure quite what you expected to happen. For him to say a breezy 'bye' and just abandon his children and property?!

More positively, you need to discuss arrangements for the children, and hopefully agree a way to share them. If not, this will have to be (expensively) decided by courts. There are mediation services available to help you here.

Re the house, a lot will depend on how you own it, how long you have been there etc etc. You both need to take proper legal advice.

People separate and divorce all the time, so it is perfectly doable, especially with a wealthy family behind you (as it sounds like you have). However, it will take time and, for a period, be very unpleasant for all concerned.

Legal advice. You can’t make any decisions until you know what your entitlements are re the house. It sounds as though he wants full custody of your children together and you need to get professional advice on that too.

Solicitor. Neither of you can move forward at all without proper legal advice.
One of you needs to move to another bedroom for now. Then you are officially 'living separately' within the same house.

Next you need to tell your children. How you wish to do that is entirely up to you, but if possible it would be far nicer and easier on them if you tell them together after discussing the details of what you will tell them privately beforehand.

It's up to you whether you think some mediation with your solicitors will make the details of the separation easier (and cheaper).

You probably won't need to worry about formal child visiting arrangements until one of you moves out or the property is sold, but it's something to discuss with your solicitor because it will directly affect any child/spousal maintenance your H may need to pay.

You don't say that you are married, so I assume you aren't. If the house is jointly owned, and you didn't protect your parents investment then I think he has rights to half of it but you desperately need formal advice on it. You can't conjure up houses for two families out of thin air and he can't expect to be with his kids every morning if you are separated but neither can you. I get that you can't do it anymore and I'm sure splitting is right, you won't be doing it lightly, but you both need hard discussions with each other and legal advisors to make it happen.