Hi ladies,
Apologies in advance - this is a bit of a long one but I really don’t know where else to turn.
I am at my wits end at the mo and really needed to reach out to a non biased audience. I am 25 years old, just bought my first house (on my own) & have been in an on/off relationship for 14 months. I am currently 5 weeks pregnant (I found out 2 weeks ago).
I moved into my first house 6 months ago which I worked so hard for to save and buy - which I am really proud of. It’s a new build so all completely freshly decorated / perfect condition. (This point will make sense later on). Not once has he ever said ‘congratulations’ all he says is “anyone can get a mortgage” “you basically have a house on finance - you don’t really own it until your mortgage is paid” / “you have a sad life if your proudest accomplishment is buying a house.” / “There is no way you could afford this house you must be partaking in sex work to have paid for it” (ludicrous - not that there is anything wrong with sex work, but I find it offensive that someone would not believe that I have been able to save long and hard through a legitimate career and two businesses I set up during lockdown to which neither the career or businesses involve any kind of sex work). Too add: he is three years older than me and lives with his mum. Any of my accomplishments he tends to put down, he didn’t believe I could afford a brand new Mercedes (it’s on finance) and accused me of having another boyfriend who had bought it for me?!
The day I found out I was pregnant was the day I had decided to go back on the pill as I had a gut feeling having a baby with this person was the wrong decision. Although I am in a good position to have a baby myself, my own car / house / financial freedom - I wanted to make sure it was the right person I was bringing a child into the world with. My partner has been showing plenty of red flags which stupidly I chose to ignore.. Although it was too late to change this decision as I was already pregnant. The day I did find out I didn’t really feel anything I wasn’t happy and I wasn’t sad I felt a bit numb. Hours later we were on a trip to IKEA, I had chirped up a bit and I put a playlist on with songs from when I was growing up as a child.. singing along to them in the car and dancing away being silly I was laughing to my partner at how as kids we would actually like these songs .. my OH completely snapped and screamed “Are you trying to take the P out of me what are you hiding?! What are you laughing at? Why are you singing and dancing?” He said some other pretty hurtful stuff and was just genuinely mean to me and it felt like he hated seeing me in a good mood.
In the last few weeks he calls me multiple times a day and says ‘who are you with?’ And will repeat himself around 6-7 times until he tells me you should be saying ‘don’t be so stupid I love you the world I would never cheat on you’. To which I tell him.. why on earth would I say that to a person who puts me down every day by constantly telling me I am the one cheating. He will then ask why I am so out of breath (my anxiety is through the roof every time he calls me that is why) and say degrading things to me and accuse me of sleeping with someone throughout the day. Which I am not. I cannot remember the last time he didn’t accuse me of being with someone else whilst I am on the phone to him / sleeping with someone else whilst he is not there. I am literally drained with the accusations and it makes me feel like I will never be able to win because if he thinks I’m un-loyal when I am being completely loyal and honest then I have no hope.
Anyway that is scratching the surface with the issues faced in the last week. Now it seems I have some context as to why he is so adamant I am cheating.
One week ago, I found out that he has had two relationships behind my back (or actually behind their back as one relationship he has been having had been going on for 8 years). Both have been for the full duration we have been together. There were also other instances I have found out about such as texting / calling up to 15 other women. A common theme is that the majority of women he has been trying to pursue are 10+ years older than him or girls that look the complete opposite to me. (Where do men find the time???). A further instance I found out about was him stopping women in the street asking for their phone number and continuing to text them. He’s also had 1+ hour long phone calls with an ex girlfriend whilst knowing I was pregnant. He has denied everything and offers no explanation to any of the multiple women’s claims about him as there is no photo/video evidence. Even when presented with screen shots he has done everything possible to evade admitting the truth. I had seen a couple messages come up on his phone screen and he completely denied it and said I must be seeing things.
We have argued over it and some pretty hurtful things were said about both of our personal appearances. (I feel mine was slightly justified due to finding out about all of the cheating) however I should never have lowered myself to that level but I did. He can get pretty aggressive and shout loudly and often threatens to ‘throw me in a river’ and I worry about what the neighbours will think so I shut myself in one of the bedrooms and sat behind the door to stop him from getting in. I just wanted the shouting to stop and for him to phone a taxi to leave. He barged through the door and bent down over me laughing at me and telling me how it’s me who is the liar and it’s me having the affair and came out with some completely fabricated scenario and person of whom I have never heard of in my life. I was on my laptop as I work from home about to go into a really important meeting with all of my boss’s that I had been preparing for, for weeks - so this was the last thing I needed. Next minute he pulled me by my hair which twisted my neck. Automatically I used my hand to push his face away from me and get him off me - to which he released his grip and put his hands over his face like it was me who had been violent?! I tried to phone the police at this point and he wrestled me for the phone and threw it at the wall (the fourth hole he has made in my wall - my freshly perfect new build house that I am so protective over and love so much). I told him I would open the window and scream for help and he raced me to the window and nearly snapped my fingers trying to stop me from opening it. Then my work laptop was taken off me and threw. He continued to laugh and berate me and lean over me like I was some kind of attraction at a zoo. He then phoned his friend and made up a completely lie that he’d just caught me sleeping with his friend and got his friend to slate me down the phone then both of them laughing at me. During this whole situation my dog who I adopted from a rescue 3 months prior was cowering under my desk which made me feel physically sick. I managed to join my meeting and He then proceeded to smoke cigarettes and joints inside of my house (when I constantly tell him not too) knowing there was nothing I could say whilst I am in this important meeting. Once my meeting ended he switched and was telling me how much he loves me and wants to make it work and to stop believing other people over him (apparently all 15 women have a reason to lie and it’s because they want him and can’t have him - LOL). At this point I just wanted him to leave my home so I went along with it and he called a taxi to go home. Once he was gone I locked all of my doors and text him to tell him how I really felt about the situation… Q the 27 missed calls and 100’s of messages about how I’m putting him through an emotional rollercoaster and I’m playing mind games and I’m mentally ill and need help and that I have a sad life / fat / ugly / will mess up every relationship I have in the future / I’m lying about being pregnant / the babies probably not his.
The whole time I just feel like I want my mum which is a horrible guilty feeling knowing that my family would be devastated if they knew how I feel. I also want to protect my dog (as silly as that sounds) he is always so scared and timid whenever OH is around because all’s he does is shout. I feel so guilty that I have adopted a rescue and he is now having days of fear in what should be his happy forever home. Now on top of that I have a foetus in my tummy that I feel guilty over to bring into this world with that excuse for a dad and the situation I am now in.
Right now I couldn’t think of anything worse than to have a baby with this person and I do not want to be tied to him for life. He has phoned me nearly 100 times today with comments like “Watch what I do to you if you get rid of my child” “Don't you dare take this baby away from me” (I have never mentioned anything of the sort). Now I feel trapped like I am forced to keep a baby because of what he may do if I don’t. If I go to the police I have no proof of what he is doing except for a few audio recordings of some pretty nasty shouting - but I am scared he will turn it back on me or that the proof wouldn’t be enough. He said if I send him back to prison he will get a gang of his mates to turn up to my door and put me in the boot of a car and it will not be left if it ends up with him back in prison.
My family know nothing about how he is with me and would be devastated if I had a baby to someone like him. Am I wrong for wanting to get a termination? Should I be going to the police? I feel ashamed that I even associated with this type of person and regret it more than anything in my life now. I want to move on with my life without him but how can I if I have his child? I feel like it would be so much easier if I wasn’t pregnant which I feel so guilty saying. I am completely confused and stuck what to do next. I am hoping I can get some unbiased advice from an outside point of view please 
Thanks xxx