Boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me - hand hold please

[ston]

My boyfriend (23m) and I (23f) broke up after 5 years. He has the opportunity to take a sabbatical next year and he wants to go abroad for a whole year. He then wants to work abroad in the US for 2 years. He said he didn’t want to look back in 20 years and not have done the things he wants to do in his life because he was worried about leaving me at home.

So I really do understand his points - it would be difficult to be in a long distance relationship for 3 years. But he probably won’t be going abroad for at least another year so I thought why is he breaking up with me now. He said it would be even harder breaking up with me just before he went abroad, especially if he already has it in his head he is going.

It was so hard saying goodbye to him today - we met up for 3 hours and it was just like normal. He kept telling me he did love me, and that there was nothing wrong with me - it is just the circumstances of his life.

It is difficult thinking he is just telling me what I want to hear. I need to try to believe him that he doesn’t want other people and just wants to be on his own to live his life. I just need a hand hold ❤️

You will find someone who absolutely adores you and won't leave like he is. They will be the one for you, you just haven't met them yet. Feel free to PM me, we can talk anytime. I'm 22f and struggling in my relationship too x

Aw it's very hard taking that kind of decision. I was with my uni boyfriend for 5 years and we split up because we weren't heading in the same direction. It was sad but I knew he was right and didn't try and persuade him otherwise. He did move on to someone else quickly but it wasn't about her and it was the most positive breakup I had really. I never thought badly of him and glad we didn't end up in a place where it ended badly.

What do you want for your future? Try and think of yourself and what you want. I know it hurts though

@pinkflamingo21 @Mumteedum the problem is I cannot think of anyone I would want to be with except for him. I feel like we were each other’s person. It’s hard he said I’m everything he wants but he has to put his career and what he wants in life first. Part of me hopes he comes back and wants me, but I know I can’t put my life on pause.

He said we can still speak sometimes, and maybe meet in a few months. Although I’m not sure that’s a good idea. :(

Well of course you won't think you want to be with someone else just now. It will take time. You have to let him do what he feels he needs to. Try and get on with what you have too. Career and friends and hobbies.... whatever it is that's yours. Maybe you will reconnect when you've had space. Maybe you won't. Just be kind to yourself and don't put pressure on yourself to have instant answers.

Aw, I really feel for you. Break ups are horrible and it can be even harder when a relationship ends and there's no one at fault. You won't be able to imagine it now but you will feel better again. And you'll meet someone who's life path fits with yours.

Take it easy on yourself, you'll go through loads of ups and downs. Moments when you feel so down that you can't imagine feeling happy again and moments where you catch a glimpse of a better future and feel invincible and so high. Just ride it all out and do nice things for yourself and one day soon you'll wake up and realise you feel normal again. Take care, OP!

Aww so sorry. I had my heart broken by first boyfriend - thank god i did or I wouldn't have found and married somebody who blows him out of the water! Although it is going to take time to get over, think about your dreams, your future and what makes you happy. Book a holiday with your friends, make tentative plans and get support from your family. It will get easier I promise. If this relationship is meant to be you will both reconnect in the future. You are very young and your life is for living. Take your time. Also, accept his decision and in the nicest possible way explain that it might be best if you block him for while.

Thanks all for your kind words ❤️ Hurting so much today but hope I will get through

One foot in front of the other. It will get easier

Poor you OP. It sounds tough.
When I was 17/18 I had a boyfriend and when he realised I would be going away to uni the following year he kept trying to finish with me. I couldn't understand because there were still several months to go and he seemed very much in love with me. His reasoning was that as I was going anyway and neither of us wanted a LDR it was just prolonging the fact that we were going to split.

We did split on good(ish) terms. I had a couple more boyfriends before uni! It meant that when we saw each other around (had some mutual friends) it was all quite pleasant and amicable. I realised his way of wanting to deal with it had been the right one.

@honeylulu did you ever think about getting back with him or anything ever happen again? I can’t imagine wanting anyone but him right now.

So confused with my whole life!

He’s choosing to prioritise his career and desire to travel over you. That tells you a lot about how much he values you. You deserve better. Don’t put your life on hold for this man - he’s made it very clear that you’re not important to him.

Yes I was very upset about splitting at the time but I did get over it and started my new life with a clear head rather than still pining. By the time I left for uni we'd been split a few months.

As for whether anything happened again, a couple of years later we met up at a mutual friends wedding. We went out a couple of times, kissed etc and it was nice but it just didn't feel the same. We'd outgrown each other and had very different lives.