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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH does not share his work life

4 replies

inthedark · 29/11/2007 00:21

I am a regular and this is the only place I can think of for advice. I have had a very difficult year with dh, one of the main issues being communication in the main him unable to share very little of his work life with me. It seems he wants to come home and shut off, I find this very difficult, sometimes he comes home and avoids all eye contact with me, and just uses the kids not to look me in the eye. I share my trivia of the day with him and all I get day after day is very general same comments ie busy day, lots done, I find this very hard work then to feel close to him and want to emotionally be close with him for the rest of the evening, It is as if he wants to shut me out. I have raised this with him several times but it always goes back to the same thing, I feel I know very little about the majority of his life and therefore find it hard to feel part of his life. I appreciate it may not sound like a major issue but Please can anyone offer any advice

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 29/11/2007 00:28

Get some shared interests, outside of work. If he wants to leave work at the office (or wherever), let him.

Tortington · 29/11/2007 00:31

i can appreciate it is a big issue, you can tell him parts of your day - but you kow this already its so nice to hear about sandra in accounts who misplaced that cheque is in deep shit - omg we might lose a contract - etc. jsut nice to share.

that said i dont know how to get over it if he doesn't want to talk. other than to say that - its for your benefit not his.

hunkermunker · 29/11/2007 00:42

I rarely talk about work to DH. He'd burble on all night about it.

The fact your DH won't look at you in the evenings is more of a worry - but is he feeling pressured into talking about something he'd rather not talk about?

mumblechum · 29/11/2007 12:44

My dh and I rarely talk about work.

Every night, without fail, this is our convo:

Me "How was your day?"

DH "Same as usual"

I don't have a problem with that at all, his work is totally unintelligible to me.

Occasionally I'll talk about my work if I've had a particularly psycho client, but frankly we both feel we've done our bit for our employers and want to spend the evening having some fun.

Sounds like you need to find something you both enjoy doing together in the evenings/weekends to give you something to talk about.

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