I'm ashamed to admit this. Up until June I was speaking to a married man, call him R. We met in work early last year and got chatting. I only met him the once and thought he seemed nice/funny. I found him attractive but soon noticed the wedding ring. Shortly afterwards I was speaking to one of the other guys in work who asked me what I thought of the new lads who had started working for the company (including R). I jokingly said "oh it's a shame R is married he seems like fun ha ha". After that I honestly didn't think anything of it until a few weeks later when R sent a friend request on Facebook. I didn't recognise him at first as we'd only met the once so I accepted it and again, didn't think anything of it. He messaged a few hours later and asked me if I liked him, obviously word had got around.
I replied and said that I did like him but knew he was married. He kept on avoiding the subject, just continuing to ask me questions about myself and giving me compliments. I've been single for three years now after my ex ended things between us. It's not an excuse but it gave me such a confidence boost when R was paying me compliments and giving me lots of attention. I should have put a stop to things there and then, but I didn't. For over a year we've talked, never actually met up except for one team night out a few months ago. We've sent photos to each other, inappropriate conversations, you get the picture.
I "ended" things between us in June. Told him I didn't think it was right and that what we've done over the last year is just awful and he agreed. I keep trying to put myself in his wife's shoes and think "how would I feel if someone did that to me". I thought that we were both on the same page as he said himself he felt terrible for what he did but now he keeps on messaging me every week. Nothing inappropriate but just asks how I am, how's work, what have I been up to etc. It feels so awkward. I don't want to upset him or fall out with him by asking him to leave me alone, as obviously we sometimes work together and I don't want it to be uncomfortable but I just don't know what to do at this point. He messaged me late last night to say that he's now single and living with his friend, can we meet up etc. Saids he misses me and misses talking to me.
I know I got myself into this situation but I have tried to do the right thing by ending things. I think I was very naive in thinking that he actually liked or cared about me. I'm 26 and he's 38 so I know it's just an ego boost for him, being able to sleep with a younger girl. I don't want that for myself. I know I can do better. I just feel like a really shitty human being tbh!