introducing new partner

[AngelEyes66]

hi all

so i posted back in feb as my ex up and left with no warning.
he was sleeping around straight away which is what i expected. he was being a decent co parent, untill i met my now partner.

I have know my new partner for around 8 years but it was never romantic until now.
we have become serious very quickly and been seeing each other for over 2 months now.

me and my ex have a nearly 3 year old daughter, i would like her to meet my new partner but my ex disagrees.
my ex has demanded that my new partner does not meet him (even introducing him as a friend), that my new partner can not come around when my daughter is asleep in bed and that he can not leave any of his stuff at my house (which i wud not do and my new partner left sunglasses here, that caused an arguement).

my new partner is a very kind, caring individual with experience being a step dad in a previous relationship and is great with kids.

all of this is causing alot of stress for me as my ex keeps wanting to swap contact days/times so im constantly juggling keeping them apart.

my ex's name is still on the mortgage so he is holding that over my head and also said if i introduce them he will not be happy and used words like see what happens if u do.

any advice wud be appreciated

Sell up the house and find your own place. Start over somewhere that he cant hold the house over you.

I do think 2 months in is too soon to introduce this guy to your kid though. Even as a friend. What's the rush?

8 weeks is way too soon! Give it some more time.

Its not up to your ex who you can see or not or what you do. You seem to be listening to your ex a bit too much. Are you really over him and have completely separated from him emotionally? Have you healed properly from this former relationship before going head on quickly into the next? Your ex left in Feb, you only had a couple of months to steady yourself and now you are in deep with someone else very quickly. Knowing someone as a friend and knowing someone romantically is different. Are you ready to move on and introduce another man so quickly into your Childs life? Has your child adjusted yet? If you are being threatened by your ex, keep all the texts, emails or anything that comes through in case you need to get a restraining order out.

You need to sort out your housing situation so your ex isn't coming into the house spotting sunglasses etc. If you own jointly, you may need to sell up or buy him out. If you have no claim on it, you need to find somewhere else to live.

Your ex doesn't have the right to tell you what to do in your romantic life or when you can introduce your child and is still being very controlling, but I think you need to sort out the practicalities so he doesn't have a right to come into your home before you take a stand.

That said, you seem to be moving pretty fast if the relationship with your ex only ended in February. I would slow things down - if it's right, it'll still be right in a few months time. Two months is a bit early on to introduce him to your dd.

Oops posted too soon.
Your ex can't dictate who is around your child, but I do think it's sensible to leave it a while yet. I was with my partner for a year before introducing him as my boyfriend.

I’m not surprised he is not happy, 8 weeks is barely any time and it’s only been six months since the split.
It’s perfectly possible to date and leave children out of it.

Too soon imo

Your ex can't control these things, but I do think he's right. There is no need to involve your child at this stage.

Get a proper contact schedule in place with your ex, and keep your child and boyfriend separate for the foreseeable.

Your ex can't control what you do anymore. It does sound like you still have alot of untangling to do. I'm also not sure what the rush is, I know you've known him for years but took me over a year to introduce my new partner to my kids (altho I share 50/50 contact with ex so it was easy to really get to know my partner myself).

Just take some more time, date, have fun xx

But yes I'd focus on

2 months is FAR too soon!

As a child whose parents both did things like this (introing new people after just a few months(, it wrecked me, as a child. Adults only ever think of themselves.