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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice please.

9 replies

dweb88 · 08/08/2021 13:46

Bg: was with this man 3months. Didn't know it at the time but he defo love bombed me. My relationships have all been toxic in a way but of course he convinced me he was here to show me how I deserved to be treated. Showered with gifts, compliments and way to quickly- love. I felt something was not quite right , couldn't put my finger on it. I do have a little girl- kept her out/ away from relationship. She goes to school so I would see him everyday and spend every other weekend with him.

Fast forward to today, I'm attached to this guy but in the past week he's told me he doesn't love me, hasn't for a while, he admits to using me for benefits, thinks I'm fat! Met with his ex the day after leaving me, she obviously messaged me to rub it in, he's listed everything insecurity and everything he hates about me to her. Quite a few lies about how I would take his money and called him heartless. ( I didn't know all of it right away and of course he didn't admit anything straight away) He then made me seem like I was overreacting came to see me, made me feel I could trust in him and then fu**ed off again after I found everything out and he had told me all the other stuff and I'm in bits. I have just started a new job, around the 25th already taken two days off sick because of him, and now struggling to do anything( partly due to 2nd Covid jab) but mainly because I suffer with anxiety& depression anyway but this has made it so much worse, where he has been staying my house is trashed I don't have the energy to do anything to it& my daughter just came home from her dads so trying to stay cheery for her but I'm a mess I know he gaslighted me, but now wants to see me again but couldn't care less when he left and I was in bits& I don't feel like I want to work, or do anything tbh but just take care of my little girl. I'm mainly writing this for advice on how to feel normal again. I don't really have many people to talk to. My family are supportive but don't quite get it and just feel myself always going back to talking to him.

OP posts:
TheStoic · 08/08/2021 14:07

You will feel normal again. But you must go cold turkey on all contact with him. It’s not him you are craving, it’s the chemical reaction to how he makes you feel. Think of him as poison. He is toxic to you and you need to protect yourself from him at all costs.

dweb88 · 08/08/2021 14:18

@TheStoic Thank you for replying.
I am trying. He keeps going on about the money I need to pay him, he took out a phone contract in his name and won't shut up about it.

OP posts:
spotcheck · 08/08/2021 14:21

Dear lord.

Stop all contact. This relationship has the potential to put a giant wrecking ball through your life. Your priority is your child, and already, you are putting your ability to put a roof over her head in jeopardy.
Just

As pp said- cold turkey. Block him and his girlfriend. Get his shit out of your house ( bin it).
Pick yourself up, and do something nice with your dd to get through the day.

TheStoic · 08/08/2021 14:21

So what? Block him in every way. If he keeps harassing you, go to the police.

How would you want your daughter to see you handling this?

dweb88 · 08/08/2021 15:20

@TheStoic of course I would never want her to see this. I blocked him for her sake also.

OP posts:
66babe · 08/08/2021 18:19

What an absolute piece of shit !!!
Let's all celebrate you being free from this total utter vile wankstain
How bloody dare he
Let's party 🎉 🎈 🎊
You are free !
Now , have yourself a girly night - shave them legs , paint them nails , some nice jammies , shoulders back , tits forward and move on lovely ! You've got this 💐

dweb88 · 08/08/2021 18:37

Thank you! I wish I could feel this, right now! @66babe

OP posts:
66babe · 08/08/2021 18:40

You can ! Do it for you and your wee girl
And your new job ! ❤️

dweb88 · 08/08/2021 21:11

@66babe thank you for being so pure❤️

OP posts:
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