Hi all, this might be long but it keeps me awake at night and I have nobody to talk to.
In December last year I split with my fiance (together 4.5 years), we have a little boy together who was 18 months at the time. It was a straw that broke the camels back situation.
A few example of his behaviour :
Whenever I told him something he said had upset me, he would say I took it the wrong way and would never apologise.
We were in Athens on holiday and I felt uncomfortable going to the bar so asked him to, he said no, he said I couldn't live my life like that and he forced me to go. Fwiw he was totally comfortable going, but he made me. I was nearly in tears.
I broke my wrist on a night out in a town 30 mins from where we lived. I couldn't drive my car back so I rang him to come and collect me. He kicked off, it was a Sunday and he really didn't want to have to drive that day? We had a huge row in the car as I said if roles were reversed I would have been there for him.
He couldn't ever just do something without expecting something in return so if he was going to load the dishwasher, he would be like "well you can empty the bins then come on do it now".
He used to shout when we argued when there was no need. I used to beg him not to shout as he may wake the baby but he still would.
He would namecall in arguments say i was pathetic etc.
So I left in December and found somewhere to live, we share our child 50/50. He is a great dad.
Few weeks after we split someone in work said they had always fancied me etc, we started spending more time together and are in a relationship. Things progressed quickly, he is kind, wouldn't hurt a fly, will do anything for me, nothing is too much trouble. He will clean my whole house if I'm working late so I don't come back to mess, will pop to shops etc if we need something quickly which I know sounds trivial but my ex would never do small things like that. He is great but before me he was basically a recluse for 10 years, never went out or had girlfriends. I feel very love bombed by him it's quite suffocating sometimes. His whole life now revolves around me, he doesn't have many friends or hobbies. He doesn't have stories or experiences to share or talk about so our conversation is running a bit dry. When I tell him about something such as oh I went on holiday to x place blah blah he's like... Wow I've never been on holiday. I guess I find it weird a 33yr old man has never been on holiday, eaten at a resteraunt etc. We ended up basically living together but I have now told him he needs to spend a few nights at week at his own house so I can have my space.
I'm starting to wonder if my ex and I should have attended counseling to work through our problems. We had a lovely life together, owned a house (which he kept), the most beautiful child, his family are amazing and I felt close to them as I'm not close to my own. We had a good social circle but also a healthy amount of alone time with our own friends and hobbies. He is the funniest person I know and always supported me in whatever I wanted to do. We shared all household money and were a proper family unit. I guess I'm seeing all the good stuff now, but feel like I am having a delayed reaction to our separation and lie awake at night thinking I've done the wrong thing and should have tried harder. I feel like I'm living a double life, one week as mum and the next as well, I don't even know because I feel lost on those days.
Has anyone ever got back with their ex in a similar situation and had counselling to help communication issues etc?
Thank you for reading.