I have a sister and she has troubled relationships with nearly all in the family bar one. All for different reasons and all minor and petty. She's a complex person. She is a high conflict person and highly powered with anger and passive aggression. It was impossible to sort anything out with her because she always made sure of that with the silent treatment and ignoring and then taking past rows and aggressions into the mix. Basically throwing so much blame and absolving her own part in them. She was impossible to get along with.
She made the decision a number of years ago to walk away. I got messages from her saying 'you're dead to me'. I was upset at the time but I also choose to walk away. There was just so much drama from her. So much blame my way over nonsensical issues from our youth and it appeared as if she wanted me down on my knees. I wasn't doing that. It did look to me at the time, it was a control thing.
The years that followed were years of hell. The family respected the estrangement that she implemented. I now know she was doing it for control. She was hoping we would be sorry and run after her and fix our broken relationships. That never happened. The family endure years of abuse and spite from her. We haven't shared a physical space with her in years. She is in her own location, hours away from home. It was all electronic means. It looks as if the family she hates so much is always on her mind or there's something triggering her. The family implemented the measures that you have to do in abuse and harassment and changed numbers, limited social media but she was always so desperate for attention and to dish her spite and dirt out, she found other means like remembering friends and messaging them and one of her favourite threats was my employer. She was never happy or satisfied with any of her acts of revenge. She kept it going. Time and time again. I could write a big long list but I won't but I would need the day. The relevant authorities never helped us in this abuse. The police didn't want to know about it because its family. I'm not in the UK where there's more court orders available in civil law. The only option available to us was an injunction. A solicitor advised against it because its so costly and it can take years going in and out from court depending on how the other person reacts and he said by the looks of it she would probably enjoy the legal challenge and the turbulence in front of a judge. We also didn't have the means to take an injunction through the courts. So we were completely on our own. I wanted to get doctors involved because there was so much proof of sheer sickness and disturbance but my mom never wanted that because she remembers when she was a small a neighbour of hers was brought away by men in white coats.
Really myself and the family were on our own. I thought about mediation but she's not someone who can meet someone half way so that option is out. I tried a few years ago to work through some of the issues she was bringing up in the texts and I was sincere in my reply to her but she just twisted everything and got more angry and started with the vulgar language and more threats and I had to walk away. At that stage I decided I was done with her for good. I can't fix her. She has left a lot in my hands to fix but I can't fix this. She needs to realise its a two way thing and she needs to be open for that too. Imo all of it is control from her. She doesn't want us to be happy without her but she won't let us move on. A lot of what she's going through is for her to sit down with a professional with and sort it out herself.
All of that above is a lot of information and I left out a lot of it and all of the toxic revenge she carried out over the years. A lot of it was just ignored and nor responded to.
A few months ago she went remarkably quiet for a period. That was the structure of the abuse from her. It was on and off. There was some what of a prolonged quiet spell from her. I was surprised but I knew in the back of my mind that she's still not done with me or the rest of the family and to give it time, she will rear her head again. It was unusual from her. She was always going on and on and on if not to me, to someone else within the family.
I decided to make a throwaway account on Facebook. I never used it with the intention of abusing her or sending her messages and I never did that. I went searching through Facebook and some likely groups that could be in relating to family and problems. I joined a lot of groups. Just to search for her and just to see what she is writing. I found one group.
It did help enlighten me so much. One thing I learned from early on reading her posts is that she will never be able to overcome her issues with her family. She placed so much blame on the family but also she wasn't being honest in her writings. She never once wrote about any of the acts of revenge and filth that she took against the family. Not so long ago she enjoyed creating fake accounts on gay dating sites for us all. So her readers offer her so much sympathies to her and express sorrow with her about her horrible family. They feed into her not knowing the full story. Just what she is painting.
I realised that she's never going to be able to heal and overcome her issues because she's using that group as a replacement for therapy and I also realised that this is something the family will have to endure from her.
In recent weeks there has been fresh and new communications from her and its been filth. She had another fake profile on Facebook to send me abusive messages (I never responded) and my mother got some abusive mail too. This is the way she behaves its on and off.
So in the week gone by something else happened. There was a death in the family. I considered notifying her but in the end I didn't. I just couldn't because it was just going to be an invitation to her for more abuse. It doesn't matter what I do. If I tell, she won't be happy and if I do tell her, she still won't be happy. It was just basically going to be opening the door for another charade of abuse from her. I left it.
She ended up finding out online about the death in the family. She took to that facebook group, being upset the family never told her and I suppose to look for sympathies from strangers on the net about her horrible family. First of all she estranged herself from the family and dismissed us all while blaming us for being the ones to dismiss her. You can't win with her. She has to realise what estrangement means. Secondly she wasn't been honest on her writing either. She failed to mention to charade of abuse she sent over the past fortnight our way. We are hardly going to be open to let her back in after that.
Also, in the posting she decided make some sort of a point by writing out all our names and general locations. She had no right whatsoever to shit on our privacy like that. It's a closed group by the way and not public. What am I supposed to do about that? I reported things before to Facebook and Facebook are fucking cunts, they don't care. So I'm not going to report it but she had no right to write the family names online in a closed group and give our general locations.