Lower priority friendships

[Fayrazzled]

I’ve got a friend I think very highly of, who I’ve made over the past few years. I really enjoy her company. However, I know I’m always second to her other commitments whereas our friendship is a priority for me. I realise this makes me sound like a bit of a doormat! I do have other friends, a family and a full time job- it’s not as if I am moping around waiting for her to get in touch. But I suppose I am a bit hurt that I am not as high up her priority list as she is mine. I don’t want to end the friendship but how do I stop myself caring so much? For example, if she cancels an arrangement on me I feel much more hurt than if another friend did. She will
also go a while without getting in touch and then when she wants to meet up I will always make the time. Perhaps I should start becoming less available too? However, then I feel like I’m playing games. I’m too old for that- I do want to see her and spend time with her. I suppose I feel a bit taken for granted.

I think it's just one of those things tbh. It does hurt though.

I don't think you should deliberately make yourself less available. Instead, I think you should redirect your emotional focus elsewhere so you can search for a friend why is more on the same page as you. Some people have fuller and busier lives than others, so the person with the less busy life is usually the one who can be more flexible and make time.

Take a step back, don't emotionally over-invest or sacrifice time you could be dedicating to making other friends and avoid getting angry. Just enjoy the interactions as they come until the time where both of you might want to move on.

Well, it always stings when you're the more invested one in any sort of relationship. You just need to accept the level of friendship she's offering or move on if it's too difficult.

Thank you for all taking the time to reply. I know you are right. I think I need to spend a bit more time on pleasing myself and my family and investing in some of my other friendships which have become a bit neglected.

What do you mean by 'second to her other commitments'?

Does she work long hours, have extra family commitments?

I don't have as much time as I used to for friends but I don't care about them any less, I'm just completely swamped. I also have friends so busy we don't see each other often, we just try to make the most of when we do meet up.

Actually, she has far fewer commitments than me. Her children have left home and she works fewer hours. But I get the impression she won’t make arrangements to see me, for example, until her husband has made plans so that frees her up. I suppose people run their relationships differently. My husband and I get on great but if I wanted to see a friend one evening I would just say and do it and neither he nor my children would
mind.

I have a very similar friend so understand