End of my tether. Help.

[Beforeim40]

I started a thread before my leaving my DH and at the end of my rope now. I've made clear my intention to leave and that I'm open to a discussion about DC arrangements. He is passive aggressive, defensive, plain blanking me and now making promises he wants to talk with no follow through. Example, yesterday he says we should talk but didn't mention again in the evening and I didn't see him the whole evening, he just avoided me. When I called that out to him this morning, he says it's hard for him to talk to me and said we should talk this evening. I feel like I'm on a merry go round from hell. The last few weeks have been hell, compared to plain awful over the last 2 years or so.

I feel like I cannot go on anymore. I have put my thinking hat on and started practical things like looking for a place to rent (currently in a rented house), I have separate finances anyway, and plucking up the courage to speak to a solicitor. There is no reaction from him at all but I'm taking the actions to get me and DC away from this terrible situation.

Any advice please and a handhold. I am at the end of my tether

I’d stop bothering trying to talk. It’s not going to go as you hope.

Talk to a solicitor ASAP and crack on with your practical plans.

You can file for divorce by yourself using the forms on gov.U.K., I did it and it’s quite straight forward.

It doesn’t sound like he’s taking you seriously and won’t until he sees it in black and white.

Stop engaging with him, avoid him like he’s obviously avoiding you.

This is the start of the rest of your life. It’ll be okay.

Thank you for replying. Yes I'm cracking on with my practical plans, it's giving me light at the end of the tunnel. I am terrified inside but know there is no other way now. Thanks yes I need to see a solicitor ASAP don't I. I'm scared of moving out with DC and then being accused by him of taking DC away. Even if I believe this is the right thing for me and DC, is this something I can do rightfully given I've tried so many times to talk with him with no answer, no engagement and just getting blanked.

@AnneLovesGilbert just wondering if you filed for divorce straight away, do you need to be clear on the reasons? There isn't infidelity or abuse as such, mainly we just can't get along and there is a lack of engagement from him.

I think the way he is acting is simply underlining the fact that you have made the right decision. If it makes you feel better, you could put in an email to him all the efforts you have made to a) save the marriage and b) make fair and sensible arrangements regarding childcare, but that he was refused to engage on any level.

But don't let him stop you with your plans. I imagine that's what he's trying to do - to control your next steps / to slow down you leaving / to mess with your head. Don't give in. Keep moving. The mountain looks like a very hard climb in front of you but boy is it worth the view from the top.

I filed on unreasonable behaviour. There was plenty but I just said we’d been in different bedrooms for x amount of time, had agreed finances and were living separate lives. He gave me some hassle about it but went along with it as I was clear it was over.

We didn’t have children and I agreed he could keep the house we owned and I wouldn’t touch his pension so we didn’t need lawyers or court. Yours will be more complicated so you need legal advice but you can still file yourself and then get advice on children and finances.

@layladomino thank you that is the type of encouraging words I need to hear. The email is a good idea, he won't read it or take any notice but might be cathartic for me. I won't lie, I'm absolutely shitting myself about all this and I feel so alone. I don't have anyone to turn to IRL. Sitting here sobbing whilst he is avoiding me again, eating his dinner like I don't exist

@AnneLovesGilbert I will do some reading about filing for divorce thank you. I'm just so worn down, feel like I cannot see the woods for the trees. I know I need to keep my practical hat on.