Hi,
I'm new to an area, enjoying socialising and making friends.
Made friends with some guitar players in the pub, we meet and play, send songs on whatsapp etc. They all know each other better than I as I'm new.
There was a couple who have split up, a year back. He cheated and generally hadn't treated her well. He's the main player I play with.
She has moved up the road from me and I've been seeing her a lot more. I really like her. She is the better friend.
The other week I was playing at the pub with the man and friends. A lady in the group had too much to drink. Too drunk to stand, sitting on pavement etc. I was walking back but the chap took my guitar and gave the drunk lady a lift.
Turns out they slept together. She has kept a low profile since. The ex, my new friend, on asking me why her exes car is outside my house, I say he dropped my guitar back and gave some info about the night. I didn't want her feeling bad and left out. I told her he dropped the lady back, she says oh they'll have slept together then, I say no don't be paranoid etc. Others say don't be paranoid.
The lady is denying it. Shes told our friend it definitely didn't happen. The end.
Until Friday night when I see the chap and ask him, say look your name's been coming up, people think you slept with that lady. And he did!!!
I got defensiveness, who cares, its none of your business and worst, I'll say I didnt then, if it makes you feel better. So a clear admission, and he sees nothing wrong with it. Its been a year etc. I say yes but they are friends.
So now I don't know what to do. On the one hand, I am too involved anyway. I've tried to be friends with both. He was my guitar playing friend first, but I like her better. I am going to phase him out. He hurts her and doesn't care. And he's not that great to me.
But I'm complicit in a lie now. I am complicit in an overly drunk friend making an huge mistake. She'll be alone with that regret. I'll be looking at my new friend and lying in her face. Hiding information. I'll be helping people make her the paranoid one when she was right. I hate that. Blame the woman and be happy with it. I hate that.
He won't care if she knows. So that's not a problem.
But the lady who did it is a nice lady, I like her. What of our friendship now?
And I am too involved anyway, the man told me off. I said hey look, I like your ex and I don't want her feeling shit just because you dropped my guitar back round. But now I'm continuing my involvement in other people's business. And not to do so would curtail the burgeoning friendship. If it comes out in the future and I knew and didn't say....?
What would you do?