I am female non binary. I was dating a female that had an 11 year old child. I have no kids. I fell hard for this woman and embraced her child. Unfortunately I had to end the relationship. I was heading for a nervous breakdown. Her ex whom she had the child with could not accept she had moved on, let alone with a girl. It wasn't just his ego, it was Domestic Violence. At first I honoured the best way forward of her choosing and supported her choices and decisions against my better judgement. Things just got worse. In the end I was fighting her, him and an 11 year old child. I don't mean fighting aggressively, fighting for my rights. He demanded I meet him and when I said no, he said too bad. Because I'm a quiet and private person, I was coined a psychopath, out to harm his child, I had something to hide and the list goes on. This was from both her ex and the woman I fell in love with.
I had made it clear from the start that her child needed to come before me as I wanted to be in a healthy relationship. I made it clear that I wanted her daughter to be part of our relationship eventually. I made it clear to her child that her mother and father were responsible for her as her parents and I wasn't there to play any of those roles, make rules not punish her.
I made it clear that the child's needs, thoughts and feelings were respected and valid. I wanted to create a good healthy relationship slowly. Unfortunately her father put in her head that I was going to put him in jail. His actions were constantly undermining me a d making it hard to have a relationship with the child or my ex. It was hard for me because I literally have no family and been really hurt in the past. I had some hope.
My ex wouldn't allow me to stand up for myself not respect my own boundaries. When I found out she had been trying to track down members of my family to find out more about me, I was livid. She tried to tell me it was normal to do and O said no it actually isn't. She also typed my.nsme and photo into Google to see what would come up about me. She thought this was normal to and me being upset was a direct sign that I was guilty of something.
I told her repeatedly if she wanted to know anything about me, just to ask and I would tell her. Being out of the relationship now and cutting contact, writing about what was going on for me, helps me to see this is not OK and it is bordering on abuse from her alone.
The possessiveness and the jealousy was too much as well. If I wanted to do something.by myself I wasn't allowed to because she would either miss me too much, think I was going to hang out with someone she may not like or she would try to micromanage my day around her day. It was incredibly exhausting. When I did manage to get some alone time, I was exhausted and would just sleep. My business suffered and I just never could have me time without it being a big drama.
It was extreme control like I couldn't even breathe without asking permission.
My own sexuality was not respected either. It was degrading to hear some of the comments. I felt horrible in myself. If he called she would talk about me and her feelings for me. It was so inappropriate. I tried to tell bef that the only thing that should be discussed is the child they had together. She would not listen to me nor understand why I would be upset.
Any of my thoughts or feelings were dismissed and invalidated. They were not important to her.
There was manipulation aplenty. If I said no to something she would be like but if you do this you get this. Usually something I had thought of maybe wanting. I didn't fall for it.
There was more than all this. I really feel broken and deeply hurt. I didn't feel loved although she tried to convince me she was badly and deeply in love with me. I know now it's all lies.
I'm scared because I feel incredibly emptied out. I just can't seem to feel anything or think properly
I just want to try recover but I got a no energy, I just feel incredibly exhausted like I can't get my energy back.