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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner sent messages to ex

22 replies

WestHam72 · 07/08/2021 18:54

I was sorting out our internet the other day and my partner had been emailed by Plusnet, so she had given me her phone to use whilst I was using my phone to talk to the internet company. As I’m using the phone a message pops up from one of my partner’s ex boyfriends. In it he says he had woken thinking about what she had said. So stupidly I looked at what she had said and she had mentioned how it ‘felt good having him inside of her and having that skin to skin feeling with him’. I felt physically sick when I read that and I now don’t know what to do. I confronted her and she said it was a relationship she had 20 years ago, but he occasionally messages her still. She promised she never messages him first, but she tried to justify what she said by saying that she did have some nice times in her past as well as some bad ones.
What should I do?

OP posts:
NoHeavenNoMore · 07/08/2021 18:55

Leave her

bonfireheart · 07/08/2021 18:56

Ugh.
I'd leave her. Maybe messaging your ex to talk about the weather, football, shared friends is fine. But that message is grim. Not sure you even need to ask.

catfunk · 07/08/2021 19:05

Come on you weren't born yesterday op. That's not on and you know it. Get rid.

Hopeisnotastrategy · 07/08/2021 19:08

Heck. Try and calm down and then talk to her, but it's not looking promising so far. See what she has to say. 💐

Wherearemymarbles · 07/08/2021 19:10

I dont think you’d say that to someone who hadn't been inside you for 20 years….
Dump and run…..

Winceybincey · 07/08/2021 19:16

I wouldn’t have a clue what sex felt like with a fella from 20 years ago. Wouldn’t even remember what his todger looked like. This is recent op. Don’t let her fool you.

gamerchick · 07/08/2021 19:19

Ew no. Even if she was referring to 20 yes ago it doesn't matter. Wildly inappropriate and a dumping offence.

Tbh I can't even remember sex with my last ex and it wasn't ruddy 20 years ago. She's full of shit.

girlmom21 · 07/08/2021 19:21

How disrespectful and disgusting. Bin her off.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/08/2021 19:21

Come on, now. Don't be a mug. Your partner is cheating on you, maybe not physically, but definitely emotionally, and that is still cheating.

Notnowkate · 07/08/2021 19:49

Definitely not something you'd say to someone who'd been inside you 20 years ago. No way.

66babe · 07/08/2021 22:06

Very disrespectful, I'd not put up with that
I'd say ... goodbye and keep my dignity

DerbyshireMama · 07/08/2021 22:07

She's talking about something that happened weeks ago, days even. Not decades ago.

Catlover1970 · 07/08/2021 23:59

She’s cheating. Give your head a shake

Thehop · 08/08/2021 00:01

You decide you deserve better and dump her.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 08/08/2021 00:24

She's cheating on you

LTB

Almondcroissant25 · 08/08/2021 07:52

I don’t remember what sex with my ex was like, we only ended 6 years ago and we were together for 5 years!!

Even if she is talking about something that happened 20 years ago (bollocks), it’s still a totally disrespectful and gross thing to say.

She will try and wriggle her way out and turn it on you, so just bear the facts in mind - she sent a filthy text to her ex behind your back. There are no excuses for that.

Potatoy · 08/08/2021 07:53

I'm sorry but it's not on. Ignore her trying to justify this and twist it.

Booboo24 · 08/08/2021 10:05

I'm so sorry, but that message is referring to something recent, and even if what she tries to say is true, it's still so far over any reasonable line that I'd still class it as cheating. I would leave over that message. Sorry you're going through this, it' gut wrenching

66babe · 08/08/2021 10:10

@WestHam72 notice you've not returned , hope you are ok ?
At the end of the day none of us have a crystal ball or have any idea what goes on in anyone else's relationship but I think it's clear we all think this is dodgy as hell and bang out of order
That may have totally devastated you , these things are never easy to face
But it's your relationship so you have to do what's right for you
Take care

Mamamamasaurus · 08/08/2021 11:29

Don't fall for her shit OP. Nobody remembers sex from that long ago, to that detail.

She's mugging you off.

SmokeyDevil · 08/08/2021 11:35

You deserve better op. She's a selfish cheating moron. Dump her.

Hopingforabagofbuttons · 08/08/2021 12:38

20 years ? Like hell was it that long ago. She’s cheating and deep down you know it. Get rid

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