Trapped in marriage with no way out

[Elisemum]

Hi everyone, I’ve no one to talk to and I’m trying to see what others think about my situation. Been married 3 years and have a 2 year old son and another son on the way. I don’t like being around my hunsband and he feels the same way. We don’t hate each other, we just simply don’t like each other and wouldn’t even be friends in any other situation. I know it sounds strange but there is no love anymore. I can’t leave him, soon I will have 2 children and my family and friends are in my home country, I don’t have anyone here… also I wouldn’t do that to my son who is obsessed with his daddy. My DH is a great dad, loves our son and does a lot - he is a good person and I know he would make someone else happy, just not me… every time we have a fight he says he only married me becouse he didn’t want to be left alone with all his friends being married. And that I married him becouse I wanted children - which is the truth. We are both trapped in this loveless marriage and it makes me so upset (him too I think). He tried to treat me well enough but he just can’t help himself. I don’t have a driving licence and there is not a day where he doesn’t call me lazy and useless becouse I don’t drive.. 2 days ago I had to ask him to pick me up from shops as I’m 8 months pregnant and had done a lot of shopping for the new baby and was in pain and wouldn’t make it to the bus- he did pick me up but just wouldn’t stop telling me it’s my own fault for not driving and it’s not up to him to “give me lifts” and that I should just make it to the bus somehow. I don’t even cry anymore, at this stage im all cried out, I’d like to make my life happier and better but I just don’t see a way out…:(

*their

Sorry OP hadn't seen your last couple of posts. Have you thought about how it would actually look if you separated? Would he want/could he have the DC 50/50 and would that make it seem more doable for you?

You can manage with shared custody and more importantly if you are both happier your children will benefit.

Sometimes OP, being a single parent is way easier than being married with children. I would get going with your driving license when the baby is born, get your ducks in order and get out of this relationship. Not easy, but the alternative is a life of misery.

Of course you’re not trapped!

Shared custody of the children and both keep working.

Also with regards to me not driving, I do have a driving licence but I had a crash 15 years ago and I’ve been scared every since. Trust me, I tried to explain so many times but he just doesn’t get it, he says he doesn’t care really and says that’s my own problem, and I shouldn’t expect any lifts from him. I never ask though, very rarely.

I don’t have a driving licence

What an odd way to describe not driving if you do have a driving licence!

Either way-it’s irrelevant. You’re not trapped! You don’t like each other but you’ve decided to have to children together. That doesn’t mean you have to spend the rest of your lives together being miserable.

I think there are several things going on here.

You're worried about massive changes re upheaval if you separate, changes in lifestyle for you and dc

You're worried about loss of face and status in relation to your parents and family in your home country. Those are valid concerns.

Change is scary, and the rewards can be worth it.

I don't understand why you say you're "trapped" in a loveless marriage when it's exactly what both of you consciously chose. Did you think it would magically change into something else?

Can you get refresher lessons to help you drive again? Was it in uk?

Did you have PND with your first baby?

Why did you have another child in the context of your miserable marriage? I don’t mean to be judgmental, but it appears to me he married you to be able to have a partner/kids, and you did the same. You both used each other and I think the resentment you both feel will only get worse, with the added problem of two children growing up in such a toxic environment.

You both need to knock this relationship on the head. As hard as you think it would be, to be a single parent, it will be even harder for your kids to be raised by parents seething with resentment & dislike of each other.

If you don't drive, there is always a taxi service in most places you could access.

As for leaving, you could do that before the baby is born. Doesn't sound as if you are short of money.

You are only trapped in your head. The truth is, you have a very easy way out of this because you have a career and what goes with it I guess some financial security. Money is an important psychological factor when considering leaving a dead end relationship. Many women don’t have that extra security so they are scared of being left with no money and potentially homeless. You have money. You have a career. Your money can buy you freedom here. Use them.
Imagine that in a few months time you could be free of this relationship that is clearly poisoning you. You really don’t need to ‘have your ducks in a row’. Make the first step and doors will magically open. Yes really.

@Braveheart35 you are right, yeah I’d say that’s exactly it - we are both resentful now but we do love our son more than anything in this world! I never knew my father and there is not one happy marriage in my family. My life dream since I was a little girl was to have a happy loving family! So I guess I would have done anything I could to make it happen! And yes I thought he was going to change overtime, naively I know… anyway it’s very hard to put yourself out there even on the internet.. so I’m going to close this thread but I’d like to thank everyone here that took their time to answer and be supportive♥️

Ask to live separate lives in the same house if neither of you likes eachother. He won't change.

I'm not sure why you expected a happy loving marriage when you both only married eachother to have kids. If you never loved eachother it won't suddenly turn into a love match...

Are you on mat leave or have you stopped working at the minute? You sound like you're in a very negative mindset about yourself, it's all about what you can't do or can't cope with, no doubt because your husband tells you how crap you are everyday!! If you can find a way to improve your self esteem and confidence you will realise you can cope and you can leave if you choose too. Could you try therapy, books, meet ups with other mums, refresher driving lessons?

There is nothing nice and decent about the man you've described. He sounds really uncaring and unkind. He doesn't sound like a good dad (a good dad wouldn't mistreat their heavily pregnant wife).

I have been in a difficult marriage and a single mum, and being a single mum is so much easier. Not easy, but better.

It doesn't seem like you are trapped with no way out as other posters said there will be ways of doing so. He doesn't sound like he simply doesn't s love you, I would give a lift to anyone who is fully pregnant willingly tbh... Good luck!