Moving on when they’re happy and you aren’t

[Monkeybusinesss]

How do you move on.
I feel so utterly damaged by him I am actually currently going through trauma therapy. Yet he’s moved on and fine, posting everywhere.
I mean I know the answer is time and don’t look at SM. But in the moment I’m here thinking I don’t even want to be alive and he’s enjoying a lovely holiday without a care in the world.
I have been through so much trauma. And sometimes I really don’t think I can deal with it all.
Why am I paying £60 p/h to explain to someone why I’m such a bloody failure in life. And he’s fine!

I’m ranting. I know one day it won’t be so hard but it’s been 15 years of hard for many reasons and I’m tired that it’s still hard. Half my life has gone and it’s never not been hard! Maybe it’s me.

The best thing you can possibly do for yourself is to get off social media. Just get rid of all of it. It is full of nothing but lies and nonsense, and it is keeping you trapped in this cycle of self-doubt and self-pity. What your ex is doing is completely irrelevant to your current path of recovery.

I know. I’m not on it. I don’t have any SM. But you can easily google it. Which is pathetic and I feel even more pathetic that I look.
But yes I agree.

If he's posting about how amazing life is on social media, chances are he's having a right shit time of it. Don't forget people post absolute crap on there cos they want everyone to be jealous of their life, when in reality it won't be anything like he's posting

People show what they want to show on social media. I do it myself, not to be fake but I won't put my personal dramas on for everyone to gossip about so all I post is happy things.

It is NOT you. It's difficult for you at the moment but you're already closer to living a happier life by going to therapy. He, however, will be the same horrible human being that caused this trauma for the rest of his days. Is there a friend or someone you could call when you feel like looking him up so that you don't end up doing it?

You are doing amazingly well, stick with the therapy and don't google him up. He is nothing to you now, don't waste another second on him. You have the rest of your life to be happy x

I’m sure lots of people post happy things. I can’t believe every post is unhappy.
He hasn’t posted for months and now he’s away it’s ramped up.
He left me when my mother was dying/ now dead.
So I am just struggling to cope in general. I had let him back in my life as well. So feel doubly fooled for trusting someone I thought I knew and loved.

I wouldn’t mind so much but my therapist asked if i was happy with my life and I just thought I am sad and alone and I have to deal with all of the grief of everything. And mostly I want him back just so I don’t have to feel so alone.

Give it a few years. My ex moved on with someone else all happy and smug. Now I'm embarrassed for him and the utter misery his life must be.

*random 'up' after google sorry!

Reading other replies I'm not sure if I've picked your OP up wrong. Did he cause your trauma or is it due to the break up and your Mum sadly passing?

@ThistlesAndUnicorns
It’s a combination of all of them I guess, but having to go to hospital and watch someone die after the person you trusted to love you said they didn’t really love you, and wanted to be with someone else. Just when I went to the hospital. all was a bit of a blow. And he did this to me many times, He obviously didn’t realise I was going to get the double shock of mum. But he’s played this game over and over and I always let him back.

I think I’ve been so caught up with everything to do with my mother that I haven’t stopped to think, and now it’s all over there is just 2 massive empty voids in my life.
My friends were great and still are, but the crisis is over, iyswim, and I have drained everyone I’m sure.

But sorry yes the short answer is yes he caused much of my trauma over the years. The death of my mother was just another blow.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Maybe some medication would help you through for a bit?

Yes maybe. I don’t feel depressed.

I was reading the thread about people losing weight with shock and trauma, I’ve put on 2 stone. I’m probably drinking myself slowly to death, but I can’t care enough to do anything about it. Which sounds mad. But I feel a bit mad.
I mean I have a good job, though I’m barely holding it together, they’ve been very sympathetic about my mother.

It’s just times like this. It all gets a bit much.

You're self-medicating with food and alcohol.

And no wonder. You're going through a lot.

But your body doesn't deserve the punishment. Speak to your GP.

I’ve taken anti depressants before and I just felt nothing. I hated it. But you’re right I drink myself to sleep most nights
I drink enough not to feel much but not too much so I am a wreck and I can’t work.

Self-medicating with alcohol is a dangerous path tho. Because it's a depressant it perpetuates the problem. It inhibits the natural production of serotonin (happy hormones) so it's harder to feel good and your mood is lower. So you continue to numb your emotions with alcohol and it becomes a self-perpetuating cycle.

Maybe antidepressants aren't right for you, but alcohol isn't helping you either.

I’m going through a similar vibe. Just out of a 9 year clusterfuck of a relationship. It. Was. Hell. He was deceitful, serially unfaithful, he’s an addict. An all round ace guy. I SHOULD be relieved to be away from it (he left me, again) but I’m not, and believe me if I told you even 10% of what I let him do to me you’d be thinking I was amoeba-like of brain. Look up trauma bond, you may gain some insight. You (& I) need to move on. Let. Him. Go. And deal with the underlying issues of why you were tolerating that toxic mess to start with. I’m seeing a therapist, and am working on codependency issues, be sure your therapist is the right one for you. Good luck. And start loving yourself, you’re worth it.