What to do now?

[Goodem00]

Hi All,

I have a quick question and I’ll give some background, Ive been seeing a girl since February she knows I had children and a difficult ex wife and I’ve tried to assure her this will have very little bearing on our in the future together anyway today she sent me this

Can I have your advice on what I do next please

Nothing. If you're having to post on a forum because you don't know how to talk to a person, the relationship doesn't have legs.

Your children will have "very little bearing" on your future together? Really? That means one of two things, you're a liar or you're a dead beat dad who neglects his children.

Why did you tell her your kids an ex would have no bearing on your lives? Obviously they will have huge baring... the children in particular.

It sounds like she isn't happy to be with a man with a family. I don't think it's a conversation for text message to be honest.

Be a good father

I’d dump any man who told me
his kids would have little bearing on the future.

Sorry I should be been more clear the concerns raised are related to my difficult ex

I’d dump you for that. Don’t you realise what you said there?

She’s not interested. Let it go.

She's smart to not get involved with a man who has children with a difficult ex. Leave her alone at let her go.

Oh come on seriously? Would PP be giving unhelpful replies if this were a woman posting this?

OP, I'm assuming you meant your difficult ex wife won't be effecting your relationship? Not that you'll forget all about your kids...

If so, the only thing you can do is reassure her again that you'd like to make things work with her. If she still feels that your previous circumstances are going to be difficult then you have your answer and it's time to move on.

She doesn’t sound interested OP. You are who you are and cannot change circumstances. Move on.

Ah I see. And is your ex wife causing problems? Anything you could be doing to minimise that? Setting boundaries etc.?

I was in a relationship with a man with a difficult ex (they had kids) for over 10 years and I'd never do it again.

Would PP be giving unhelpful replies if this were a woman posting this

It might be.

I think she's considered the reality of dating a man with children and a not so nice ex and decided it's not for her

Which is a shame if you were keen but it happens and better to happen now before your children got attached to her or you ended up expecting another with her

Move on and be the best father you can , there are other women out there who will maybe suit you better , or you can keep your dating and family life separate

It happens , move on with dignity

@Goodem00 could you give some context to the message? Has something specific prompted this? How is your ex difficult? Does your DP have children too?

She’s letting you down gently. Take the hint.

I’ve only told this girl stories of how my ex has acted in the past, mine and my ex’s friendship is much better now and she no longer has issues with my new partners as long as they are nice with the kids.

I didn’t real expect to get tanked on this group but oh well. I just wondered what my next move should be or do I let her go?

I’m useless at reading subtle hints what do you thinks she’s saying?

She’s giving you a polite brush off.

Are you a lot older than she is?

She's saying no.

If you get on fine with your ex now, why have you told unpleasant stories about her to your date?

Also. How many new partners have you introduced to your kids?!

I’ve only told this girl stories of how my ex has acted in the past

Sorry, but a man slagging off his ex is a HUGE red flag. She's smart for being wary.

You've given examples of difficult behaviour from ex in the past ... could you describe a couple of these?

Having a crazy/difficult exW is usually a huge red flag IME.

It sounds like you have told her some horror stories about your ex.....to a savvy woman that would be a huge red flag despite how you say you are now. She will be thinking the ex could cause massive problems in the future. I have experienced a vile ex partner and it was horrendous. Your ex wife will always be a part of your future relationships so I recommend you do not tell any new girlfriends about your ex in any derogatory way and base it on how you get on today. Let this one go as she is not for you.

So we can do all the attempted mind reading and make all the assumptions to give you advice on that, we can also all take what’s written in that text in different ways and further complicate the situation with our our life based scenarios but in the end your not going to have a clear answer. People are telling you she’s giving you the brush off, they are telling you she’s letting you down gently all based on what we “think” you’ve told her. My advice is just be direct and ask her if she wants to continue and if she doesn’t that’s that I am afraid to say.

I'd say number one red flag is a man talking badly about his ex. There was a thread recently about red flags and that was unanimously up there with the worst ones.

You could have unwittingly pushed her away by sharing those stories.

I think learn from this for the next woman you meet. Don't speak badly of your ex.

Let this one go

Let her go. She’s saying ‘I like you but I don’t want to be with a man who has kids and / or a possibly crazy x’