TW: domestic violence, friend's abusive ex

[thevelvetcurtain]

My friend was in a domestically violent relationship with an absolute roaster of a man. He ended up in prison for stabbing her whilst she was pregnant. Despite this it took a long time for her to be able to leave and social work inevitably got involved. She ended up living with DP and I for a month or so last year when baby was born, and we essentially had to monitor her every movement to make sure she wasn't sneaking off to bring baby to her ex. It was a really, really stressful time. It was too much for us to cope with and she ended up in a mother-and-baby foster placement.

Almost a year on and she is doing really well, she did the Freedom programme, engaged with services, and is at home by herself full time with her nearly one year old. She has no contact with her ex.

Yesterday she received a letter advising that her ex is taking her to court for parental rights and the ability to see baby. She is rightly terrified and really freaking out. Is there any way at all that her ex will be able to get contact in any capacity, given that she was involved with social work because they couldn't rely on her to keep her baby away from him. Or is he likely to get supervised contact in a centre, or even in the community? Or is there really no way of knowing?

Everything has been documented from lots of police reports to the stabbing to social work reports. I was very involved in her case so I know how much there was. It won't be a case of she said he said, so does this make a difference?

Thanks in advance.

Was this letter from a solicitor? Or just a letter written by >insert friend/relative< of her ex?

I would advise your friend to contact her social worker/WA and get advise and support from then. Essentially, your friend needs to prove that she is prioritising her child from abuse.

Were they married? Is he on the Birth certificate? If she is not married to him and he is not on the BC, he will then need to spend X£ on engaging a solicitor, applying to court to get a DNA and then applying to get some sort of contact…..

Personally, it sounds like this is being used to scare her and is using the child to do this.

I cannot repeat the importance of getting support from her SW etc and getting a paper trail.

@REignbow

Was this letter from a solicitor? Or just a letter written by >insert friend/relative< of her ex?

I would advise your friend to contact her social worker/WA and get advise and support from then. Essentially, your friend needs to prove that she is prioritising her child from abuse.

Were they married? Is he on the Birth certificate? If she is not married to him and he is not on the BC, he will then need to spend X£ on engaging a solicitor, applying to court to get a DNA and then applying to get some sort of contact…..

Personally, it sounds like this is being used to scare her and is using the child to do this.

I cannot repeat the importance of getting support from her SW etc and getting a paper trail.

It looks like a letter from a solicitor.

She's going to contact SW ASAP, but she's spiralling, and really worried.

Not married and he's not on the birth certificate. He was in prison when baby's birth was registered and by the time he got out, she had realised that adding him on wasn't a good idea, so it stayed that way.

It does sound like he's trying to scare her doesn't it He is a disgusting man. A really, really disgusting man.

@thevelvetcurtain you are a lovely friend!

Just tell your friend, to tell EVERYONE about this. GP, HV, SW and also get her to contact WA and the rights of women.

WA should be able to pass onto details of a solicitor who is knows about abuse and she’s a victim of DV then she will get legal aid.

Like l said, he will now need to spend money, on firstly getting a DNA etc……

@REignbow good point re the money - he is very very low income and I can't imagine he has the funds to pay for any of it. Fingers crossed it goes no further.