What do you find works best with inviting family over at xmas time

[bigboydiditandranaway]

We started out by saying we'd alternate, my folks over one xmas, inl's over one boxing day. What do you do?

We live 10 mins from the ILs and 200 miles from my mum. The ILs get to see us all year so we go to my mum for Xmas.

We do Christmas day on our own, and have done for years.

All the in laws come over on Boxing Day (except for BIL who is scared of the dog and likes to have the day to himself). They live (or are staying) an hour away, and go away at the end of the day.

My parents are more tricky. They live some distance away (3.5 hrs if I'm driving, 7 if dad is). They like to come for days and after Christmas, sit down, and do nothing at all (apart from explaining at length how much they need a rest). This year we've put our foot down and said we'd like some time to ourselves. They don't have room for us to stay there and they wouldn't dream of coming for the big day itself because we don't do things 'properly'.

We spend the morning at home, and go to my mum's for lunch and tea. She lives 5 mins from us and she puts all the effort in with the kids (looks after them whilst I'm at work / babysit etc, so I feel as though they deserve to see the kids on Xmas day.

Ils do Diddly squat with my children. Despite living less than an hour away, they haven't visited the kids since August, only phoned my Dds a couple of times since then and have never offered to babysit once in 4 years. I don't think they deserve the rewards of Christmas day when they can't be bothered all year round. So we see them two days after Christmas. I don't make excuses, am happy to tell them thats when we'll see them. They can like it or lump it.

This year is a bit more tricky/different as inl's have two other relations staying with them (which apparntly they do nearly every other year)and it's their turn to come over to us, we want to spend xmas & boxing day at home, so we've invited them over for xmas am for drinks instead.

With pil, they have invitations on xmas day with friends too so i was wondering whether to just ask them over on boxing day in the future or whether to keep it the same but alternating xmas with us having the day to ourselves aswell????

id like to alternate but it gets difficult when you have brothers and sisters who also want the parents to go to theirs. i usually get fed up of everyone dithering and just say "oh just all come to mine then fgs!"

they are v good and come with starters, pud and bottles of wine, so i dont have to do much

id quite like to have one xmas just me and dh and the girls

id actually quite like to go on holiday one xmas. somewhere far far away with no washing up...

we go to inlaws, mainly as MIL's Dad is 89 and stuck in his ways and would be upset at not seeing dd1 and dd2

see my family on boxing day or whenever

am off work from 20 Dec till 8 Jan so lots of spare days

Christmas Eve; ILs plus wider family - adult, sophisticated, glam. Christmas Day; Ps - child orientated, party games. Boxing Day; ourselves, day out, great fun.

Used to alternate these three round, but now its established, and we can maximise the number of people we see in the extended family, so very happy with the setup.

Two golden rules - never to have it at home, so I never resent the work/expense etc, and secondly never spend more than 24 hours at any house, so its bearable, and I can remaining charming not grumpy over Christmas. Have had too many depressive incidents in the past, and dont want to go back there

Thanks for your messages, i was wondering whether to include xmas eve as a gathering for one side of the family earlier.

If dh & i did that and had xmas day to ourselves & other side of the family on boxing day maybe, that could possibly work, the only thing is dh generally works xmas eve till early afternoon and i quite like to do all the preparations for xmas day with dh listening to the carols on the radio and maybe this year try popping over to church for carols round the crib.

I think we might wait & see, next year we probably will have xmas day on our own though,my parents over xmas eve afternoon and inl's boxing day maybe???

Anymore suggestions to a stress free family xmas

We have MIL over for the entire day lunch on christmas day, my mum lives 200 miles away so she goes to my sisters, (who lives 10 doors down from her). Down to mums/sisters for New Years Eve, she throws a party for 9 grandchildren. Actually it'll prob be held on the saturday after christmas this year, as NYE is a monday night (DH working monday) and we can go to next-door for their karaokie party!

We go to my parents, as they have the biggest house, and since she would otherwise be alone for Xmas (she's widowed and dh is an only child), my MIL comes too.

I think its a bad idea to do strict alternations - it doesn't take into account the fact that people's lives change from year to year - what if somebody is ill, what about what other people are doing e.g. brothers, sisters, cousins etc and their IL's. I think its best to take each year as it comes. I also think its lovely to have a Christmas period stretching from the time schools break up till twelth night, rather than concentrating everything into one day. As long as the family is celebrating together, what does it matter if you are slightly out of step with the rest of the world?

My one proviso is that I would never expect a relative to spend Christmas on their own against their wishes. If this means mixing up different parts of the family, so much the merrier.

I like your underlying principles, MadamP.

Yes i agree, maybe we'll just play it by ear, like you say MP, people's lives change incl our own. I just don't want to have to revolve our plans around dh's family, already had to do that with our wedding
Dh and i have made a pledge not to again.

We have Christmas day at home and my mum will come for dinner, she lives just around the corner 2mins away. My sister and BIL, Brother and SIL may come to tea if they want but nothing is set in stone. Very relaxed people doing what they want when they want to.

Boxing Day the we go to the inlaws and it very organised and not fun. Everything is done to a strict timetable and not very child friendly .

Thanks for your messages, i'd like to do what you do lizziemum, thats sounds ideal.

Have suggested it to dh and he thinks that we have the next few years planned but after that he doesn't mind.(he's quite set in his ways!!)

Have spent the past 34 years with Parents.

Since they now disowned us, I am rather scared it's just going to be me and the 2 dc's..with no family whatsoever.

Oh well. xmas morning, we can open the bucks fizz, the croissants...and NOT run around like a headless chicken.
Just terrifies me with the thoughts of when dcs go to bed....also my first year without having financial input from my father too...

OMG purpleone - are you going to be OK? I actually think it sounds quite nice, just you and dc, but I can see there is heaps of pressure to be 'sociable' and 'have a great time' oh and 'have a fantastic meal'
It sounds a bit scary being disowned....is there really no chance of reconciliation? Even for christmas? (there's that pressure again!)

Sparky,

Yeah, I'm sure we'll be fine. Have lived without the parents for months now, I'm sure that a few days over xmas isn't going to make much difference!
I won't be reconciling, until I get an apology. Just makes me mad that they blanked the kids as well .

I work 10 hrs a week, claim benefits and am still no better off. Been single mum for 5 1/2 years, my father used to help me out a little...and believe me it HELPED!

Just a tad scary IYKWIM

So sorry purple, here's me going on about visitor overload and it's just the three of you, i have to say i think you'll have a lovely time doing exactly what you want and not having to be on your best behaviour for inl's while they make stupid comments and be loud and overbearing, do you want to swop

How old are your children?