Another one binned

[anotherbitesthedust]

I've been dating a guy for a month was very early days but we both clicked and enjoyed each other's company, we had agreed to be exclusive. Saw each other twice a week and spoke numerous times throughout the day, mainly down to him I wouldn't normally be one for constant contact through the day when working but he would face time me and worry where I was if I didn't pick up, a bit ott but thought it was sweet so went along with it, the last couple of nights though on WhatsApp he seems to have been online a lot and didn't seem to be very engaging to me when I was messaging, so I thought he must be messaging another woman and told him so, obviously it's over now, not too bothered as I hadn't really known him long anyway but it that crazy of me to jump to that conclusion? I don't really know if he was but just went by the feeling I got, do you trust your gut or am I just nuts

What did he reply to your message ?

I maybe wouldn’t have jumped to that conclusion but the ‘worrying’ if you don’t pick up a FaceTime would be more of a concern, that type of behaviour can escalate into controlling.

Huge red flag with wanting to face time you because he was worried about where you were. Where the hell did he think you would be and why the hell was it any of his business?

However, your immediate jump to him contacting other women because of a change in contact patterns for a couple days is also a red flag. You could have asked why his pattern had changed instead or put your phone down and enjoyed the peace.

Probably a good thing it's over.

Why would he be worried about you? Pisses me off when men say that.... what does he think you e done without him for the past X number of years?? For that reason alone he deserved a dumping.

The Whatsapp thing was a bit of a leap from you though... he could have been having an important conversation with someone else that needed his attention

Agree with @Thingsdogetbetter. Huge red flag to facetime because he is worried. Total love bombing and control.

But policing someone’s online status or accusing them of talking to other women (are you even exclusive) is also OTT and controlling and an equally red flag. In fact I dumped someone I was dating exactly because of this.

Maybe take a break from dating and work on yourself?

He just replied with what, what do you mean?
I think I was so fed up with him demanding my attention, if I didn't answer a video call it was why don't you want to talk to me? It was too much, first thing in the morning etc I don't always want to be video ready to someone I'm newly dating.
Maybe I was sabotaging it on purpose, I do know I was a bit out of order to accuse him but i was thinking are attention seekers the player type? I guess what is done is done now.

Sounds like his level of contact was making you suspicious that he might be love bombing you hence giving you the gut feeling that all was not well. This was good enough reason to call it off after a month.

I think that trying to qualify this feeling as being caused by him talking to other women was unnecessary and could come across controlling etc as you'd have no proof.

No worries though, you've acted on instinct and I think this early on, that's the best thing to do if it doesn't feel right. If similar happens again (hopefully it won't), I'd say you're best off just ending things neutrally without an accusation e.g. 'it's been nice getting to know you but I don't think we are compatible long term' or something.

I sympathise OP, I was seeing a guy who was mega attentive to begin with and then suddenly his messages got shorter, but I could see he was still online on whatsapp or that he's gone off and then come back on 30 minutes later.

It went on for about a week so it wasn't just a mate that he was suddenly catching up with one night. I trusted my instincts and ended the relationship and funnily enough he was seeing someone else and posting about it on FB within a week.

I think you’re looking at this wrong. It’s not sweet he was ‘worried’ about you if you didn’t pick up a Facetime…it’s controlling. And even if he was worried why weren’t you insulted by that? That some man you barely know assumed something could be wrong in your life of you didn’t pick up - how did he think you managed to get through each day before he came along to worry about you constantly?!

Now you’re worrying you sabotaged it? Where are your boundaries?

Thanks for the advice, will take on board and remember to end things on a better note if I ever have to again, live and learn x

Policing someone’s online status is completely unhinged.

Not exactly policing him, I only came online to respond to his message, I didn't hang around waiting and watching him all day or anything like that, I usually just message quickly then I'm offline but I was trying to set up a date for Saturday and had a suggestion, I didn't feel like he was really listening or being that enthusiastic, he stayed online obviously chatting to someone else and I just got a bad feeling while I was left waiting as previously he had been more attentive. Maybe I am unhinged or I'm just very quick to pick up a change in someone's attitude.

Same OP I wasn't policing my ex online, it's when you reply and they're online too so you wait for their reply that you'd usually get quickly and you're not getting one, but you can see they're still online, you then notice it each time. It's hardly stalking or unhinged 🤣

OP, you're not at all unreasonable to be thinking he was up to something, but I really think you've dodged a bullet with that prick

He was ''worried'' when you didn't pick up straight away ??

Nope ! He just wanted you to do what he wanted, when he wanted, how he wanted and on his command ! Prick !

Always, always, always trust your 'instincts' !!