Another money one

[NewYear2021]

My partner and I have had a bit of a rocky one due to money. He’s been largely unemployed throughout our relationship and I’ve supported him through various unrealistic business ideas.

However, he’s now got a job, he’s sticking with it, enjoying it and I’m extremely proud.

I am looking to buy a house in the next 12 months or so.

We have extremely different incomes (I earn 4 times more) this doesn’t bother me day to day but how could this work with buying a house? Can you split ownership 80/20 for example?

He’d be fine me buying alone so that’s not a problem per se but just investigating options

(I know I need to speak to a mortgage advisor but I appreciate the brutal honesty of you guys!)

Brutal honesty: Buy alone. You've already been the main breadwinner to fantasist cocklodger for most of the relationship and need to take your rose-tinted glasses off. One unrealistic business I might have supported, but multiple!? (And saying your extremely proud makes you sound like his mum!)

Are you thinking of him putting 20% deposit down? Will he be paying 20% of the monthly mortgage? What will happen to future equity? Does he even have 20% deposit saved? How's his credit rating for even getting a joint mortgage?

If you buy together you need an absolutely watertight contract drawn up by a solicitor. Including that you are to buy him out should you split as opposed to him insisting that it is sold.

Remember promises made when a relationship is good mean absolutely fuck all when the shite hits the fan.

*you're

How long have you been together?
Do you live together now?

Definitely buy alone, and if he lives with you, agree a clear financial contribution before he moves in.

How long have you been together?

What were his living arrangements before he met you?

If it’s a new-ish relationship and you’re already looking at housing him long-term, this has cocklodger written all over it.

Buy alone, and don’t marry him.

Buy alone, leave him completely out of it, he can pay towards bills. But I think it's better to live apart and meet for dates.

This is what I was expecting and to be honest what my gut is saying.

I’d be putting the deposit down and he’d be paying 1/3 of the mortgage but even this seems a little off balance. We’ve been living together for a few years, well he’s been living with me..... (kicked him out a few times due to job ultimatums and the final time seemed to flick a switch)

I guess I was wondering if the top up in mortgage could get us to the next house bracket but I think the extra bedroom isn’t worth the risk.

Fuck no, never getting married that’s for sure!

Thanks for the slap ladies

If your owning 80% you may as well own 100%.

Go it alone.

@Thingsdogetbetter

Brutal honesty: Buy alone. You've already been the main breadwinner to fantasist cocklodger for most of the relationship and need to take your rose-tinted glasses off. One unrealistic business I might have supported, but multiple!? (And saying your extremely proud makes you sound like his mum!)

Are you thinking of him putting 20% deposit down? Will he be paying 20% of the monthly mortgage? What will happen to future equity? Does he even have 20% deposit saved? How's his credit rating for even getting a joint mortgage?

If you buy together you need an absolutely watertight contract drawn up by a solicitor. Including that you are to buy him out should you split as opposed to him insisting that it is sold.

Remember promises made when a relationship is good mean absolutely fuck all when the shite hits the fan.

This. He sounds like a bit of a waster-I’d be buying, moving in and living alone!

Buy alone. Take a fair proportion of the mortgage cost as rent. (Or share of market rent if lower) Get a legal cohabitation agreement that he isn't entitled to any of the house.

I really don't think it's a good idea to combine finances with this man.
I'd buy alone and expect him to contribute slightly less than the going rate for renting. I've been the one paying rent to the house-owning partner before and I think this is fair.

Should you choose to combine finances at some point then you can revisit the arrangement, but at a minimum he needs to prove he can stand on his own two feet for a solid period of time first.

Yes you are all correct, it’s just is too much of a risk.

Luckily there has been no pressure from him regarding buying together so there’s not going to be any fall out from it. Probably more fall out of doing it together in the long run!

If he wants to buy in the future a small rental property would make more sense

Thanks for the strong advice

You have already graciously thanked the vipers of MN for their robust advice so I hope you take this in the same gracious spirit.

Luckily there has been no pressure from him regarding buying together

You sound surprised.

Why would you expect a someone which such a cushy deal to be putting pressure on you to make the deal even better for them, and so potentially even worse for you ?

I hope that he really does bring something valuable to your life.

Trust me I’m very open to criticism and have my friends who also regularly bollock me for my questionable choices! But good to hear from an outsiders perspective, especially when they echo them and my gut!

I guess I’ve always been financially independent (through graft) and never wanted to be reliant on a man. Maybe I have taken this too far for whatever deep seated reasons (daddy issues) but loud and clear I am taking on board zero legal financial ties to this one.

@NewYear2021

This is what I was expecting and to be honest what my gut is saying.

I’d be putting the deposit down and he’d be paying 1/3 of the mortgage but even this seems a little off balance. We’ve been living together for a few years, well he’s been living with me..... (kicked him out a few times due to job ultimatums and the final time seemed to flick a switch)

I guess I was wondering if the top up in mortgage could get us to the next house bracket but I think the extra bedroom isn’t worth the risk.

Fuck no, never getting married that’s for sure!

Thanks for the slap ladies

What are you doing then? Why would you live with him?

I cannot imagine entangling myself financially with someone I am not married to, or close to getting married too. Equally I wouldn’t live with someone and have them help me pay my mortgage off and have no future plans with them other than boyfriend girlfriend until presumably someone I want to marry comes along.

I don’t want to get married to anyone, I see him as being the long term, not just a stop gap. I personally don’t see the point in marriage (I don’t want children). Mortgage is my marriage equivalent.

It's telling that he's happy for you to buy it yourself and he'll just live in it.

Pay for it all yourself and charge him rent.

Agree with pp's. Buy alone.

Also, he won't be paying 1/3 of the mortgage, YOU will be paying 100% of the mortgage and he will be giving you rent to the equivalent of 1/3. If he's getting a good deal, presumably he can save the difference (to what he'd be paying if he lived alone) and then pay into the house in the future if that ever becomes a viable option. Bet he won't though!

Definitely buy alone and get a cohabitation agreement drawn up so he can't make any future claim.

Also he should pay you some form of rent as well as 50% of the bills as accommodation isn't free and there is upkeep involved.

@Dacquoise

Definitely buy alone and get a cohabitation agreement drawn up so he can't make any future claim.

Also he should pay you some form of rent as well as 50% of the bills as accommodation isn't free and there is upkeep involved.

Yip definitely this 🌸

good luck finding your dream home OP ☺️