Having to repeat yourself to toxic people

[FlatteredFool]

ExH is emotionally abusive and engages in lots of coercive control. Or tries to. I generally find I can put a stop to it with grey rock block. We are communicating well lately but he will ask the same question several times even if I've answered it and the text or email is there in black and white. If I cont answer again he says I've gone quiet or sends question marks. It's tiresome and I cba with him at all especially as he ignores a lot of what I ask him that requires a response How do you handle this kind of situation?

He has no concept of the fact I might be busy as he thinks I have no life🙄

Only answer him about practical arrangements for the kids, otherwise ignore or have a broken record response.

Eg. So you've replied regarding arrangements. He asks again. Forward your original response. Do not add anything. Do not reply again.

If he's asking about school or whatever, reply with "you have access to the school portal" once and don't reply again.

If it's about anything else, just don't answer.

Don't ever get sucked into chit-chat. He's not trying to be nice, he's testing your defences.

Put together a short message explaining exactly why his toxic behaviour has destroyed your relationship. Tell him he needs to get help and until he does you will not be playing along with his childish mind games.

Each and every time he goads you - send that message.

There's been the deafening sound of silence all day. Funny how he can't find that conversation. Wonder why that is?! He's not communicated about when dc is back but he'll expect me to be in and very annoyed if I'm not. I'm not rising to it as he's done it to annoy me. Twat. If he wasn't going for custody then I'd be a lot different in my approach but I need to be Mary fucking poppins

Are you keeping a record of all this coercive and intrusive and manipulative chat of his? It'll all come in handy, every word. The more he says, the less Poppins you have to be.

Why do you have to be Mary Poppins to get custody?

Sorry, hit Post by mistake. I would just keep copying and pasting the same reply to him. Get a cheapy burner phone and a new email address just to communicate with the sad twat.

I have a plan for next time he pulls this shit. I will only agree to things if they are in writing and Crystal clear regarding what time dc collected and dropped off. And none of this a few hours notice either. I don't mind the odd change of plans but it's become his norm rather than the exception.

This really took me back to a dark time, OP. Particularly the habit of just sending a string of question marks. You’ve had some good steer already but I just wanted to add my and say keep on keeping on and good luck with your custody case — one day, he’ll tire and move on fully to the next poor sod